Ah, Screw It!

Chapter 1

"Ah, Mr. Potter, back again I see!"

"Huh? What?" Harry asked as he tried to look around blindly. Something was on his head; it felt heavy yet cloth-like. He reached up and lifted the blindfold...... he froze at the sight before him.

It looked like the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Students seated at the long tables looking at him expectantly. But he knew these students, a glance at the Gryffindor table showed no sign of Ron but...... a young Hermione...... Hagrid like hair and all, then he noticed the few students standing directly in front of him, Ron and Zabini to name two. This was unusual as the last thing he remembered was falling asleep in a Hogwarts' bed having just defeated Voldemort...... seven years in the future. Of course he had been dead an hour or two before that...... but he was sure he got better.

"Oh god. What happened?" Harry mumbled. He dropped what he assumed was the Sorting Hat back over his eyes before raising it again to make sure he wasn't imagining it all.

"Mr. Potter, if we could continue?" Came the same voice.

"Sorting Hat?"

"Indeed, I realise that it must be rather boring to go through it all again, but we shouldn't keep everyone waiting."

"Did I just dream the last seven years of my life?" Harry hissed angrily under the hat.

"Of course not. It rarely happens but you seem to have been given the opportunity to have a second go at making things right, Rowena Ravenclaw and Arthur Dunwall are the only two I know of personally. I'd advise you not to waste it, I have never heard of someone having a third chance." The Hat warned.

"So I'm not about to wake up and find that Tonks and Remus are dead?"

"Lord no!" The Hat laughed in his head. "In fact, if you use what you know then you stand a good chance of saving even young Mr. Diggory over there."

Harry quickly popped the brim of the hat up and suddenly felt a rush of hope and joy as he saw the former/future Hogwarts Champion staring back at him like everyone else.

"They can't hear us, right?"

"Did you ever hear me talking to any of the other students I sorted whilst you were here? I had a rather long discussion with your young friend, Miss Granger, on why she would do better in Ravenclaw than Gryffindor!"

"Then why didn't you put her there? She's always been the smartest."

"The same reason I put you in Gryffindor." The Hat returned smugly.

"Because she asked you to." Harry sighed.

"Indeed. So, Mr. Potter, would you care to trust my judgement this time round and enter the House of Slytherin? After all, you are the rightful Lord of Slytherin."

"I am?"

"By right of conquest, in this timeline you have defeated that young upstart, Riddle once. In your last timeline you did so nearly once a year! Magic will recognise you as such. Speaking for myself and Hogwarts, we definitely acknowledge your Lordship."

"Wait...... I'm only eleven in this timeline, and only barely, aren't I too young?"

"Only by mortal human standards, and magic does not care one whit what mortal humans think. Neither do we for that matter. But we digress, shall you enter the pit of snakes?"

"Would it really make that much of a difference?"

"Mr. Potter...... may I call you Harry?"

"Erm...... sure."

"I could help you sit here and go through the pros and cons of Slytherin versus Gryffindor, instead I shall give you the one piece of information that will be of most importance to you: