I Stayed Behind

Ten

Infinitely always | 11.8.18

We'll survive this because we always do.

It's just another night, just another restless mind. But eventually sleep will take over; I just have to wait it out.

So what the big black dog decided to make another visit? I'll just watch him until he leaves, shutting the door behind his fluffy tail.

Even though tonight feels like the last night, like I couldn't possibly get through another one like this, I've seen worse. I've always seen worse. And in turn, I've seen better. There's always (infinitely always) something better than this.

So I'll wait it out.

Perhaps I'll distract myself with someone else, perhaps I'll find something better to do than sulk. But I won't ignore the barking black dog. I'll simply let him in, watch as he takes his usual spot. And get on with my life. He likes attention and belly rubs. And if he doesn't get what he wants, I'm afraid he'll get too loud. Might wake up the others, or drive me off the edge. He likes to be reminded that he's still here and that he'll never truly leave. I say yes to keep him happy.

Perhaps I'm not strong enough now to say no. But I've been strong enough before. And I'll be strong enough again.

I'll tell him, sorry, no. He'll stare at me with those big brown eyes and I'll almost let him stay. Almost. But I'll be stronger then than I am now. More optimistic. Less reckless.

He says he'll come back because he always does. And I'll say, I'll have a party whilst you're gone. And he'll say, make sure the place is a mess when I'm back. And I'll say, my parties never get messy.

They get beautiful.

We'll dance, we'll sing, we'll laugh, we'll run. We'll live life to the fullest because who knows when he'll come back and pull us under again. But we'll survive,

because thats what we always do.

Infinitely always.