I Stayed Behind

Twenty

I told my friends about him | 29.9.2020

I told my friends about him
that's where I went wrong

I told my friends about him and suddenly he became this person that existed
He became a pretty boy with a pretty smile, 
that has a life even when I'm not there

I told my friends about him and he stopped being fiction

I told my friends about the new guy at work and suddenly he had legs. He got up, walked out of the office, out of my mind, and into the real world with real people.
He gained feelings and emotions and turned into someone I could lose-
someone who decides for himself and could decide against me

Now I can't go back to before he existed and I can't pretend he never did

Now I can't think about him endlessly or talk to him without hesitation because now he's real and our conversations will be played back to my friends, and then they'll decide how he feels about me

Now it's not just me and him and our two neighbouring desks, now it's us and anyone else who cares to listen

Now my friends ask about the boy at work, when I'll see him again, and I tell him about his jokes and his eyes

Now my thoughts become words and my feelings become real

I no longer go to sleep to dream about falling in love with him, now my friends know about him, now he exists, and I fall in love with him like a meteor falls to earth:

fiery and unstoppable