Shutter Speed

Days 3-7

Rule #10: Go for it.

Days 3-7

I always wanted more of Ellie. I craved being in her presence. Being around her mattered more to me than anything else. It physically pained me to ever be away from her for too long. I have no recollection of when that feeling started to manifest. I suppose it was there all along. It's a possibility, I guess - a possibility that I was always drawn to her even in the early moments when I was curious and confused about my feelings towards this complete stranger.

I could never stay away from her for too long. The moment I began to walk away, I always ran right back. After seeing her at my concert, I knew I couldn't just fly back to Los Angeles and wait for my next show. I needed to see her again, so I changed my plans. That was the first time I rearranged everything just for Ellie. I never thought twice about anything I did for her. Everything I felt for Ellie and everything I did felt natural. It all felt like it was deeply rooted in my being.

So I ran back to her.

The morning after the concert, I extended my stay and went straight back to the library I had met her at. I donned my usual public attire – an old, plain baseball cap and square sunglasses – and searched every aisle of books for Ellie. Her fiery red hair caught my attention somewhere between the biographies and audiobooks and my heart leapt at the sight of her.

Ellie's face twisted and her eyes darted as her lips parted once she spotted me through the books on the other side of the shelf she was restocking. Her lips subtly turned upwards as she gathered her thoughts and asked me, "What are you doing here?"

I shrugged, not fully knowing the answer. I attempted to speak, but only stutters made their way to the surface and Ellie chuckled lightly at my incompetence. I winced with a silent laugh and met her at the end of the aisle. "I'm staying." As my words hastily escaped my mouth, Ellie's lips began to part to speak but I shook my head and spoke before she had a proper chance to. "Not forever. Just for a few days," I further explained. "My next show isn't until next week so I have a little time to kill until then.

"And you chose to stay here?" Ellie spoke with a smile, and I could hear the disbelief in her words.

"Well yeah," I shrugged. "Should I not have?" I didn't give her time to respond before I began to ramble. "I mean I don't mean to intrude or bother you and I would never want to disrupt you, but I just thought that I really enjoyed meeting you and I would like to get to know you more and I just thought that if-"

"Jensen," Ellie smiled. Her voice was gentle and soft and I love the way my name sounded coming from her. "You don't have to explain your reasons. I get off work at five if you would like to hang out."

I nodded in response, my mouth too dry to allow me to speak. I don't know if Ellie knew right away how infatuated I was with her. I don't know how long it took her to feel the same about me. I do know that not even I was aware of the feelings I had for this girl.

I spent the next four days with Ellie. She showed me her favorite places and I asked her about her life. I was too afraid to be completely honest about mine, but she made me feel comfortable. She made me feel safe. So I told stories when my memory would trigger one, and she laughed at nearly every minor misfortune I told her about.

Day three when she got off work, she took me to her favorite antique store and we wandered around for hours. She lost herself in the tattered furniture and books, and I seemed to lose myself in her. She often looked up to me for approval or a reaction of a treasure she found and would catch me staring at her with a small smile pinned permanently to my face.