Shutter Speed

Day 1,340

"Even when the light begins to fade, I'll wait for you. I'm so desperate calling out your name. Meet me in this broken place." – Ashes Remain, "Without You"

Day 1,340

I can't stop the world from turning. I know that now. That doesn't mean I wouldn't have tried harder if Ellie had asked. Nearly everything I did since the day I met her was for her. One day that hurt more than I expected it to was the day Ellie left for Oregon. She always wanted to see Portland, and there was a sense of irony that that's the last place she'd end up.

I knew my time with Ellie was limited and as much as it hurt to know losing her was inevitable, I buried most of it and went on with our lives. Of course, that was per Ellie's request. She didn't want our dynamic to change just because we knew what was coming. She was adamant that we keep smiling up until the very end.

I snuck up behind Ellie as she packed the last of her boxes. I wrapped my arms around her frail torso and she jolted at first, initially startled, before she relaxed into me. I lifted my hand and slid the piece of clothing off of her right shoulder to reveal the recently healed ink on her skin. I lightly brushed my thumb over the small, black word then lowered my lips to Ellie's neck, gently leaving an invisible trail.

I felt Ellie's goose bumps rise under my fingertips before she swiftly pivoted herself around to face me. "Stop," she playfully whimpered. I pouted in return, and she kissed me lightly, pulling a grin from my lips. I leaned into her, but she pulled away at the sound of a knock on her door.

"Sorry to interrupt," Logan Spencer stood in the doorway. Her smile was soft and kind, but her electric blue eyes were desperate and in pain. "I just wanted to let you guys know that Anne and I finished packing the truck up. We're just waiting for the last couple boxes up here." Logan's voice was shaky and fragile. At a glance, it seemed like she was the one who was sick, not Ellie.

Logan was still broken from losing her girlfriend, Emily, four years ago. Most of the time she hid it well, but there were moments when I swore I could see the memories flooding back to Logan. Even though Logan had found someone new and fallen in love, the mark Emily left was evident. My heart still goes out to Logan and as much as I want to be selfish when it comes to Ellie, I know I have no right to be. Seeing Logan move on while still keeping a place for Emily is equally painful and beautiful.

Ellie tried comparing herself to Emily once. Only once. She looked at me, holding back too much, and told me to be open to moving on once she was gone. I shot that thought down as soon as it escaped her. I know that no matter what happens in the future, even if by some miracle I meet someone who sweeps me off my feet, there will never be another Ellie. Everyone from now on has to compete with the standard she set. Everyone has to live up to legacy she left by loving me. No matter who I meet for the rest of my life, no one will ever make me feel the way Ellie did. No one will make me smile as hard. No one will take my breath away the same. No one will ever make me as happy. No one will ever compete. Anyone there's potential with will have to face the harsh reality that they're being compared to the love of my life. No one will ever be Ellie Longo.

"We're almost done," Ellie's voice broke my train of thoughts. "Thank you, Logan." She sent Logan the most genuine of smiles and I absentmindedly pulled her closer to me, snaking my arms to hold her tighter. Logan nodded and left Ellie and me alone. I kissed her cheek repeatedly, eliciting a chuckle from Ellie. She playfully hit me, but didn't pull away. "Stop," she demanded through chuckles, "we need to finishing packing."

I resisted her attempt to push me away before she shoved my face away with another laugh. I repeatedly made attempts to touch her and pull her closer to me, but she slapped away every movement I made while still managing to pack the last of her things.