Angel Wings

Chapter 21

My eyes flutter open and I look around the room. Where the hell am I? And then it all comes back to me. I look down and see I have stitches in my arms.
I feel numb
Defeated.
I manage to sit myself up covering myself with a blanket since I'm still only half dressed.

"Oh uh take it easy. I'm uh, I'm Doctor Carson."

"Yeah I know." I say as he helps me sit up.

"Yeah you're not gonna want to put any pressure on your hands for a while. It was a close call you had." He explains.

"Not close enough." I mutter. How am I not dead?

"Well I should tell Negan you're awake."

I scoff, "yeah like he cares anyways."

"Actually he's been sitting outside the room for a while now. He ordered me to tell him when you wake up." Carson explains as I sigh.

Do I even want to look at him?

"Did you want him to come in?" Carson asks as I just stare blankly. I don't know what I want anymore. I just shrug.

"Well I'm going to talk to him okay? I won't let him in yet. Wouldn't want to put anymore stress on you then you already have." He explains. Carson is such a nice man. His eyes are ocean blue and always so bright and friendly.

My mind begins to race, would Negan be angry? There is no telling what he is going to do. The man is so unpredictable. I peer out the door and see him hunched over through a window. His head is down and hands are clasped together as Dr. Carson speaks. I feel a little lightheaded but I assume it was from loss of blood. Dr. Carson reenters the room and offers a shy smile.

"He said he'd like to come in, but only if you want him to. He says he'd like to talk to you alone."

I ping-pong the idea back and forth in my head. What would he even have to say at this point? Curiosity gets the best of me and I agree to let him in.

Dr. Carson gestures he can come in and then walks into his office to give us privacy. Negan drags a chair next to the hospital bed and sighs looking at my wrists.

"Christ Kendall, sweetheart, what did you fucking do." He sighs once again and wipes his face with his hands.

"You know you could've fucking died right? I mean do you know how fucked up that was!" He scolds as I immediately regret letting him come in here.

"No Negan, you want to know what's fucked up? You. And all those fucking lies you told me. I can't believe how naive I am, like I can't even blame you for this because I was the idiot who believed you actually may have changed. I'm the idiot who just keeps on crawling back for more." I say trying not to let tears fall. Not again. I look at him, he still has my blood on him from earlier.

"I know- I fucked up yet again. What else is fucking new. I said horrible shit I didn't even fucking mean. But hear me out. How would it look if the leader of this place was sneaking around with the enemy? It wouldn't look too good Darlin."

"Negan caring what everyone thinks? That's a new one for me." I laugh at the idea. Tears threatening to fall. He's so full of shit it's unbelievable.

"Kendall, I never meant to push you to this. I don't know what the fuck it is about you but please. You make me a better man and I take you for granted. I'll tell off Julie if that is what you fucking want. I want you to believe in me."

"I want to believe in you too Negan. But you're nothing but trouble. I can't trust you, can't rely on you. You're unfaithful. You just keep on hurting me and pushing me. You got what you wanted from me. I've given up, I'm done fighting. We'll do things on your terms now. It's obvious Rick isn't coming for me so I may as well accept that. You win Negan, you've officially broken me."

It's true. I feel like Rick may still come to rescue me but not anytime soon. If ever. I'm losing hope but at least I was able to get Daryl out. I'm sure they will retaliate but who knows how long that is going to take.

There's an eerie silence between us. He looks over my face to see if I'm lying, bluffing about giving up. But the truth is I'm exhausted from fighting. Not even death could save me from this hell. I peer down and see he has a bandage around his arm.

"What happened there?" I ask curiously.

"Turns out we have the same blood type. That's what saved you."

"You gave me your blood?" I ask almost repulsed.

"Yeah a fuck ton of it too. Be thankful. If I didn't you'd be dead."

"BE THANKFUL!" I scoff. I want to argue more but there is no point to it. There is no point to anything...

I find myself growing angry and I'm unsure why. I think it's because Negan both caused and fixed this and I hated it. I also hated the idea that his blood was flowing through my veins. He's literally apart of me.

There isn't anything he could say to fix this. No amount of apologizing or empty promises could change my mind. He stood to his feet and handed me a bag which contained clothing for me. I began to change but I couldn't bend my wrist, this sucked.

"Let me help you." Negan says as I shoo his hands away. It seems I've still got a fragment of fight left in me. I eventually give in and let Negan help me. I can't help but to feel embarrassed. After I'm dressed Dr. Carson comes out.

"I don't mean to interrupt but before you go. Don't let the stitches get wet, wrap them in plastic before you shower. Don't bend your wrists or they'll reopen. No heavy lifting or any pressure on them. Come back in a week and we will see if they are ready to be taken out, if they open, do come back immediately. Look for signs of infection. Here is some pain killers if pain happens." He explains handing the pills to Negan. Negan and I listen to his directions. I give a simple nod not caring if they reopen or not and go back up to Negan's room.

He opens the door and I grab a brush and a hairband. I feel weird having my hair down.

"Why don't you leave it down ever?" Negan asks seeing me struggle as I try to untangle my hair with the brush and put my hair up.

"I just don't." I mumble throwing my brush and the ponytail holder in anger and frustration. I can't even put my fucking hair up. This is ridiculous. I slide down the wall and put my hands on my face sighing.

"I should be dead." I sigh

"Stop fucking saying depressing shit like that."

"It's true. Not even about this morning Negan it's about the lineup. Don't think I didn't fucking catch on. You and I both know if you didn't take me out of the lineup it would've been me on the other side of that bat!"

He stares at me like a deer in headlights as if it would've taken rocket science to have figured that out.

"Just fucking stop." He says angrily walking over to me and kneeling in front of me. "Do you know how fucking difficult this was for me? How fucking hard to sit there not fucking knowing. Do you know how hard that would've fucking been to have on my conscious. I know you don't think I have a fucking heart but fuck Kendall seeing you like that and shit. That's gonna haunt me." He explains as he begins to choke up. "I just- I lost you once- I can't imagine losing you again for good." He explains before kissing me on the forehead.

"I'm so sorry I let you down again. But you've got to believe I didn't mean a fucking word I said." Negan explains before hugging me. I nestle further into him, human contact, that's all I needed right now.

"I didn't fucking mean it."