Flower Child

Chapter Seventeen

Visiting day. I'm up early as per usual and dressed long before anyone else wakes up. I leave the dorm and make my way out to the chasm. Over the last week, I found that the chasm was one of the only places that reminded me of home. Sometimes, before I would head back to the dorm to sleep I would sit out here and close my eyes. The rushing water reminded me of the irrigation ditches in the fields and the chatter of the happy mess hall. I could almost hear the songs and the laughter in the water.
I sit down on the edge, my legs over the side and my arms resting on the bars. The water sprays upwards. Small drops land on my face and I close my eyes, letting the water cool my skin.
"You're not thinking of jumping are you?"
I tense a little at the voice, "no, just enjoying some time alone, Eric."
He sits down next to me, not to close but not far enough away for my liking, "what are you doing up so early?"
"I always am," I answer shortly, looking over at him.
"Visiting day is today," he says.
I nod but don't say anything, I don't understand why he's talking to me at all.
"If anyone shows up to see you," he says, "don't look to attached, it shows that you're not loyal to your faction."
I can't tell if it's advice or a threat, "of course."
"You know, Flower Child," he says, "you surprise me. Your fight yesterday, quick, brutal, I like it."
I don't want you to, "thank you?"
He smirks over at me, "I'll see you later."
He stands up and walks towards the dorms. I have to fight my urge to hurl myself into the chasm. What was that even about? I don't want to know and I never want to be that close to Eric again.

Family after family had piled into the pit, I stand to the side, near the chasm and scan the area for my mother. She'll be easy to pick out, her yellow, red, or orange outfit will stand out against the seas of black that is spotted with blue and white. I see my friends with their families. Uriah with his brother and a woman who I suspect is his mom. Marlene with her mother and father. Lynn with her younger brother, older sister, and mother.
And then I see her. She wears a orange dress that comes just above her knees and her favorite sandals that my father got her. She's coming towards me with a large smile on her face and her eyes lit up in happiness. I feel tears spring to my eyes as I run towards her. She opens her arms and I fall into them like a child, hugging her around the waist while she holds me close.
I have a thousand words to say but I cannot speak them. How's Taylor? How are you? I miss home? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
"Shh, it's ok Morgana." I hadn't said anything but it's like she could hear my thoughts, "it's ok. I still love you."
I pull away from her so I can look at her, "I miss you so much mama."
"I know," she smiles, "I miss you too my wildfire."
I take her hand and pull her towards the chasm where we can talk more freely.
"How's Taylor," I ask.
She smiles, "your brother is doing great. He and Celeste are growing closer than ever."
I laugh, "I still owe you for that bet."
She shakes her head, "you don't owe me anything. All I want from you is for you to be happy. Are you? Happy I mean."
I glance at my friends and their families, "yeah. I am."
"Good," my mom smiles.
I glance at the chasm behind me and I see Four. He stands alone by the railing. He's not an initiate but many families use today to see each other. I'm pretty sure he's a transfer, but I'm not sure where from.
I point out Four to my mom, "he's one of my instructors here."
She leans close to me, "he's very handsome."
I nod without really meaning to. My mother's light laugh echos around us. I want to get her away from him because who knows what kind of conversation she might have with him. As I'm about to take her out of there, he looks over at us.
My mom is quick to introduce herself holding out her hand to him, "hello, my name is Rosalynn. I'm Morgana's mother."
He shakes her hand stiffly, "Four. It's nice to meet you."
"Four? Is that a nickname," she asks.
"Yes," he answers but doesn't elaborate, "your daughter has been doing very well here, I oversee her training."
"That's good," she smiles, "I knew she would but I couldn't help but worry."
Four looks at me, his eyes traveling along my face, my nose, my lips, "you shouldn't worry."
I don't know why heat rushes to my cheeks but I hope to god that he can't see it, or that my mother can't because she'll never let me live it down.
"You seem familiar, Four," my mom says, examining his face.
He seems to go cold, "I can't imagine why. I don't spend much time with Amity."
My mother smiles, "I understand. Dauntless and Amity are pretty different, I don't take it personally."
Four's shoulders loose some tension to them, "I'll leave you two to your reunion."
He walks away and I can't help but watch him as he goes. That was strange, he's usually very tense and mysterious but I've never seen him so, cold.
"Is he always like that," mom asks.
I keep my eyes on him, "no, well yeah, but not like that."
He disappears around a corner and my mom turns to me, "so, have you made any friends?"
I look over at Uriah, Mar, and Lynn. Their families are all next to each other and they are talking.
"Yeah," I answer.
Uriah finds me and he waves me over. Mom and I cross the pit to get to them. I introduce my mom to them and they all introduce me to their parents and siblings. I already met Zeke once so when he sees me he just wraps his arm around my shoulder.
"Hey there, beautiful," he grins.
I shove his arm off and laugh, "go away, Zeke."
Shauna, Lynn's older sister smiles at me and drags Zeke away by his ear. My mom talks with everyone's parents happily and I smile at her.
"You know, I think I might like your mom more than you," Uriah says, "she's so sweet, unlike your vicious ass."
"I'll punch you," I say with a sweet smile.
My mom takes my elbow, "no you won't. If you'll excuse us, I want to talk to my daughter for a moment."
"See," Uriah says, "she's nice, you're not."
I stick my tongue out at him as my mom guides me away. She takes me back to the chasm, far away from prying eyes and towards the louder section as if she doesn't want anyone to hear us.
"Mom?"
She takes my hands in hers, "I need you to answer my questions honestly. Okay? Where are you in your ranking?"
I raise a brow but answer anyway, "close to the top of the transfers, I think about the middle overall."
She nods, "ok, good, the middle is good. Now, what were your test results?"
"I-I." This is my mother, I can trust her with my life so I do. "They were inconclusive."
She nods, "I guessed they would be. Listen, in the next stages of your initiation you have to be very careful, understand. Stay in the middle, don't draw attention to yourself."
"What's going on," I ask.
She sighs, "your tester told you what you are didn't she? How people like you are dangerous? It's less that your dangerous and more that you're in danger. If people, especially here in Dauntless find out about you, they will kill you. I love you so so much my darling wildfire and I need to protect you."
Her words are scaring me and I know she can tell.
She places her hand on my cheek, "you'll be ok. I know you will. I have to go, it's best if we don't seem to attached to each other."
"Mama," I say but she shakes her head.
"I love you my wildfire," she whispers.
She presses something into my hand and turns away from me. I watch her disappear around the corner and stare at the spot until my eyes burn. When I finally look down at my hand. A small sob leaps from my lips.
It's a bracelet that once belonged to a great great grandmother that I never met. It has been passed down from mother to daughter at the end of initiation. My mother's side of the family has always been in Amity, I'm the first daughter to leave. She gave this to me before the end of my initiation because it's very likely that we will never see each other again.
   I clutch the bracelet to my chest and slide down the wall to sit on the floor. The bracelet is simplistic, made of dark red beads and a single golden yellow one. The gold has a small rune carved into it that means peace in a language long forgotten.
   I sit there, mourning my mother while listening to laughing families in the pit.