Flower Child

Chapter Twenty Nine

Hand in hand we walk towards the pit. As we go he runs his thumb over the back of my hand in a slow rhythm that drives me crazy.
"So... four fears," I say, grasping for any logic I can.
"Four fears then and four fears now," he nods, "they haven't changed. So I keep going in there, I still haven't made any progress though."
I look up at him, "you don't have to be fearless, remember? That was something you taught me."
He smiles down at me, "I remember."
He guides me to a rocky path that leads down to the rocks at the bottom of the chasm. I've never seen it before because it blends into the wall. Tobias seems to know it well.
"What were your aptitude test results," I suddenly ask.
He scratches the back of his neck, "does that matter?"
I shrug, "not necessarily but I want to know."
He smiles, "of course you do."
We're at the bottom of the chasm. The rocks make up an uneven path that Tobias leads me across. He leads me to a smooth rock that is next to the calmer part of the water. He sits down and let's his legs dangle over the edge. I sit down next to him, my leg pressed against his.
"These are things I don't tell anyone," he says, "not even my friends."
The roar of the chasm makes it to where no one would be able to hear us, if he were to tell me he was Divergent, he would be safe.
"My results were as expected," he says, "Abnegation."
"Oh," I say.
I was wrong. Maybe he wasn't Divergent, but I thought he would have at least gotten Dauntless. Maybe he is and he just isn't telling me the truth.
"You choose Dauntless anyway," I ask.
"Out of necessity," he nods.
I understand. I still feel the phantom pain of a belt around my wrist.
"You had to get away from him," I state, "that's why you refused to be a leader, so you wouldn't have to see him."
He shrugs, "that, and I don't feel like I quite belong among Dauntless. Not the way they are now."
I pull my knees to my chest, "I understand that feeling."
"I'm assuming Abnegation was one of your test results," he says.
I nod, "yeah, why?"
He shrugs, "I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different. I had trained all my life to forget myself, so when I was in danger, it became my first instinct. I could easily belong in Abnegation."
"How does that pertain to me," I ask.
"Everything you do is selfless," he smiles, "you let someone throw knives at you to protect you friends. You hit my dad with his belt to protect me. One of your biggest fears is not being able to protect others."
"Do you make a habit of watching me," I ask with a small smile.
"I like to observe people," he shrugs.
"You're a terrible liar, Four," I say.
He grins, leaning closer to me, "fine. I watched you because I like you."
My cheeks flare and I can see it in his eyes that he gets a kick out of it. Part of me wants to shove him into the water, the other wants him to lean closer.
"And I told you not to call me that," he says, taking my hand into his again, "it's nice hearing you say my name."
I look into his beautiful dark eyes. He's admitted that he has feelings for me and I feel like my head might explode at any moment now.
"Why do you like me, Tobias," I ask.
"What do you mean," he asks.
I shrug, "I mean, I'm younger than you-"
He smiles, "that year is such a big gap isn't it?"
I roll my eyes, "that's not what I mean. I'm younger than you, and I'm not even that pretty. There are plenty of girls who are better looking."
He laughs, a deep rumble that comes from deep inside him. He leans over and presses a kiss to my temple.
"Don't pretend," I grumble.
"I'm not," he smiles, "have you ever taken the time to even look at yourself? I have never seen someone with such red hair, naturally anyway, and your eyes are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You're that and so much more, you're smart, kind, brave. And you're the only person that has ever found out about Marcus and not looked at me like I'm a kicked puppy."
"You're not a kicked puppy," I say, "you're someone who has gone through terrible things and came out stronger because of them."
His eyes are on mine, and he leans closer to me, glancing down at my lips. His hand lightly touches my cheek, his lips brush across mine and I almost break. He grins and presses his lips to mine. I press back.
It's my first kiss. I've read books were the characters kiss for the first time and it feels like fireworks, or electricity, but this is not like that. All I feel is a deep warmth that spreads through me. It feels like the fire in my house after playing out in the snow. Like waking up with sun on my face in the arms of someone who holds me close.
He pulls away slowly, and I'm sure I've done something wrong. But then he grabs my face between his hands and kisses me again, firmer, more passionate. His lips are sweet, tasting like the cake in the dining hall. I wonder, briefly, what I taste like, I quickly forget the thought when he pulls me onto his lap so he can close more space between us.
We stay like that for a long time.