Sanders Sides- Virgil

Getting Better...I Think

Virgil's POV:

Thomas had a performance today for a Disney show so I pushed him extra hard to work on it. But when he got there, he started to panic, and during this time, I was asleep because I was recovering from a panic attack because I took in all of Thomas' anxiety. Anyways, he had a panic attack and failed his performance, so obviously, all of the other sides were mad at me. Except for Roman. He understood me and tried to explain it to Patton and Logan, but they didn't listen very well.

Anywho, Logan started yelling at me and so did Patton.

*flashback*

I sit down on the couch as Logan and Patton walk in to the living room, giving me angry glares. I raise my eyebrows at them. "What? What's wrong?"

Logan gets up in my face and points his accusing finger at me. "While you were asleep, Thomas had a panic attack and failed his audition. If you weren't such a lazy fuck, then maybe he would've gotten the part!"

Patton whispers in Logan's ear, "Calm down, Logan. Let me talk to him."

Logan nods and walks away, heaving like a demon and pinching the bridge of his nose. Whenever he does this all I can think about is Stan from South Park because he does the same thing.

Patton says, "Now, Virgil, you do know that Thomas is our priority, right?"

I stare him dead in the eye and say, "Yes."

"Then why were you asleep during Thomas' performance?"

"Because I was recovering from a panic attack."

He frowns at me. "Are you okay n-"

Logan cuts in and says, "That's no excuse to miss Thomas' performance."

"But-" But Logan cuts off me.

"This is why everybody thinks you're useless. Because you are useless. What exactly do you do for Thomas?" I open my mouth to defend myself but I'm interrupted once again. "Oh yeah, you cause him pain. That's all you do. Cause people pain. I'm ashamed to even call you a part of me- a part of us-" He gestures towards Patton. "-because we actually help him while you don't."

I feel tears threatening to spill out but I keep them inside and sigh heavily. "Listen, I had a panic attack because I was sucking up all of Thomas' anxiety so he wouldn't fail the performance. So it would've been worse if I didn't do that."

"But it was still your fault." Logan points his accusing finger at me. "You still fucked things up as usual. Well, more like always," he scoffs. "Sometimes I wish you would just disappear," he whispers.

I clench my hands into fists to keep myself from not crying. "I've already tried it before. Wouldn't take much to try again," I whisper.

Logan- not hearing me- continues. "If things keep going on like this, eventually Thomas will have to take anxiety pills and get rid of you."

That's when I hear a gasp from the kitchen doorway.

I look over to see Roman standing there, fists clenched, staring at Logan in anger. "How dare you say that about my boyfriend!" Roman screeches.

Logan turns to him and says, "It's not my fault that he causes the problems."

"No he doesn't."

"If you weren't dating him, I'm sure you would agree with me."

"No I wouldn't."

"Hm." Logan fixes his glasses. "Well, if he was conscience so he could've taken away Thomas' panic attack, then Thomas probably would've have won the part. But instead, Virgil had to ruin everything as always."

I start to curl in on myself, thoughts filling my head, screaming at me all at once.

He's right

You do fuck everything up

This is all your fault

You're such a fuck up

You should just go kill yourself

Logan is right about everything

You're just a stupid fuck up

Stupid

Stupid

Stupid!

I cover my hands over my ears and curl up in a ball, rocking back and forth, feeling a panic attack coming on.

"See? Look, now you're scaring him." Strong arms wrap around me and run their fingers through my hair. I look up to see Roman and then I hide my face again.

"Well, this wouldn't be happening if he didn't fail Thomas once again!" Logan yells.

"He doesn't fail Thomas!" Roman yells back. "He helps him!"

Logan scoffs. "Stop lying to yourself. I know he's your romantic partner and all, but you should speak your mind, not lie for him."

"I'm not lying."

"I highly doubt that."

"Ar-arguing isn't going to help," I squeak out. I uncurl and stand up, facing Logan, but staring at the floor.

"We wouldn't be arguing if it wasn't for you!" Logan yells at me, inching towards me.

"It-it's not my f-fault..." I whimper.

Patton walks over to Logan and says, "Logan, maybe you should calm down-"

"No, Patton," he says gently. "No, no, I shouldn't. He needs to be told the difference between right and wrong."

"He does know the difference between right and wrong," Roman says, standing up and standing next to me. "You're the one who doesn't."

"Roman!" We hear Thomas call from the real world.

Roman frowns and says, "Gotta go." He gives me a kiss on the lips and leaves.

"Everything is your fault. Everything is always your fault," Logan snarls at me. He takes a step towards me and I backup with nowhere to go because the couch is right behind me.

"I'm- I'm sorry..." I whimper.

"THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP ON FUCKING UP?!" He yells and then it happens.

He hits me.

Logan hits me.

Shock is on everyone's face and I lay on the floor, curling in on myself.

Logan holds out his hand towards me and says, "Virgil, I- I didn't mean it. I-" And then I get up and run to my room, tears streaming down my cheeks.

*end of flashback*

That was yesterday night. I haven't come out of my room and I cut myself too. It's early morning and no one has come to check on me. I don't know if Roman knows what happened, but it's okay.

I'm fine.