LIVING LIFE FOR THE BOTH OF US - JONGHYUN

Story #5 - Your angry, your sad mourners

Good morning, you! :)

What was it again?
Why am I up so early on this pleasantly cool Monday morning?

It's to enjoy life a little longer than I would if I were to remain in my slumber.

Lately, I have been having this burning desire to "look at" life. I have learned to appreciate the gentle morning breezes. Just watching these rose buds lightly dangling through the window curtains brings a smile to my face. I have learned to admire the blazing sunset before twilight. From the freeway up high, this sight is truly breathtaking. I have also learned to enjoy a cup of Oolong tea just before breakfast. Its bitter taste reminds me of life's bittersweet moments. Are all these the warning signs of my ending? ha ha ha. Should I go get a complete health checkup? I have noticed that my eyesight is worsening. I hope I will still be able to watch your videos and see your images for a long, long time. For what? Don't be silly! Of course, to appreciate how beautiful you are. To me, using the past tense for your handsomeness, your voice, and your artistry is not fitting. You are captured forever in those film footage, those picture frames, those poems, and those songs. So, you ARE!

Don't act too arrogantly because of that, my boy. You have a giant problem at hand to deal with.

Come, have a seat. Oolong?

Don't be too nervous. Let me slowly explain.

You, as someone who is empathetically sensitive toward other people's feelings, know that each person perceives and reacts differently to the same situation. Likewise, each of us also deals with pain and loss differently. Yeah. You must already know what I am trying to get at.

Among Shawols, there are some who have been with from your trainee days. Some from the day you debuted. Some from your Blue Night Radio program. Some from your departure. Each of us are dealing with your passing in our own ways.

A late mourner like me? My pain is minuscule. Some people even call it "artificial pain". And it may very well be. I have no problem with accepting that you are no longer on this Earth. I am just happy to have discovered you. I don't even have to "move on" because I was never there, at any point in your past.

But it's different for your true Blingers.

As I mentioned in our previous conversations, they love you. Hence, they are in indescribable pain because they miss you. The majority of them are living and enjoying life, bravely, while embracing all of the beautiful memories of you. Of course, every thought of you since December 19th, 2017 on has always been accompanied by a sharp pain. But, fortunately, your contagiously cheerful smile and cutest wink have always popped up in time to bring a smile back to their faces. So, you have caused the pain but have also, somewhat, neutralized it with the happy seeds you had earnestly planted.

For some others, though, this pain is unrelenting. Not because their love for you is greater than the love from any other Blingers, but because each of us deals with pain and loss differently. At the moment, no words of consolation, no hugs, no kisses, no embraces from any living person could make this pain go away. They still love you to pieces. They miss you terribly. Thus, they hurt intensely. I can't think of any way to help. Because I am a nobody, in their eyes. Because I am someone who will never be able to understand, in their opinion. Because I am offending them by pretending to be you, they say.

So, you have to do it yourself. Pacify your dear lovers.

"My beloved,