My Brother's Best Friend

Memory Eighteen

   After Drew left for Arizona, everything was weird... And even though Joseph would never admit it, I knew he missed him like really missed him. I mean you spend every waking moment with a person and then like that they're gone. Neither of us knew what to do anymore. It was just us and we never hung out unless Drew was around. We need Drew to get along and without Drew around to break up our fights and stop our bickering things started getting out of hand. Whether we wanted to admit it or not, we needed Drew. We were used to him.

   About a week after Drew's going away party, I came into the living room to find Joseph sitting on the couch watching some ridiculous reality show on MTV. I'd been gloomy and sad since I'd confessed my love to Drew and he shut me down.... I don't even know why I sat down next to Joseph. I knew he'd say something mean about me and we'd start arguing but like him, I was bored without Drew and I was hoping the two of us could do something. I mean I had other friends including my best friend Amber, but nothing compared to hanging with the boys. We had way too many good times and every since I was younger I'd always felt cool being seen hanging out with older boys. I still felt that way... "Jo wanna go go-cart riding?" I ask casually. He shakes his head. "Nah," then he looks me in the eyes.

"What's wrong with you? Are you that sad because Drew left? You act like he's your boyfriend! He was my best friend not yours and just because he's not here doesn't mean we're going to hang out. You're still my little sister!" he says. I knew my brother and he could tell how horrible I felt inside and since he could never be deep, he used what he saw as an excuse to argue with me. I cringed as the word "boyfriend" slipped from his lips.

"I know he's not my boyfriend Jo, but he might be yours! I might be sad, but at least I'm not you, running around bitchin' about another guy moving! You're pathetic..." I say actually laughing. I knew what I'd said was harsh but it was nice to hurt Joseph sometimes. He'd hurt me with his words more than I could count.

He stood up.

"Well at least I have my own friends and I haven't spent most of my life following my brother and his best friend around... At least I'm not a loser and at least I can get a date!" I can't think of anything to says. He shakes his head.

"You're pathetic..." he say repeating the words I'd said back to me. He grabbed his house key off the kitchen counter and left without another word... He kept distant from me for MONTHS after that, hanging out with different girls and even some of his guy friends at school whom I never cared to learn the names of.

For me, I spent a lot of time in the house. I missed Drew being around and I didn't want to call or hang out with my friends so I read a lot... All sorts of books. I stayed in my room most of the time reading but sometimes when I felt like getting fresh air, I'd walk to the park and read on a bench. By the end of that year I'd read about 200 books and I couldn't give myself a good enough reason as to why I did it, just that I did... Maybe I just wanted to waste time, maybe it was because I was bored but all I know is that by the end of that year I was actually okay with Drew being gone, I actually stopped thinking about what I'd said to him at the party, and most of all I stopped liking him... It didn't last long though because as soon as Joseph had gotten that phone call a little over a year later, all the feelings I'd had rushed back. And that's when I realized, maybe it wasn't a crush, maybe I really did love him...