Episode 1: pilot
About: Meet the contestants.
Duration: 45 minutes
PLAY
SCENE: the camera crew are set up on a dock where the sunset is visible in the background. suitably, the sky was coloured chaotic reds and oranges for the evening to come. The host, HADES, faces camera 1 with a microphone in hand. Wearing a Hawaiian style shirt that no doubt his wife / co host, PERSEPHONE, doesn't approve of.
HADES: Welcome back to the first ever season of Ambrosia! A show full of drama, betrayal, potential (but not probable love), and, alcohol. So get ready to relive high school! I'm your host, Hades. And hosting along side me is [HADES squints and reads the smudged handwriting on his hand] my beautiful and amazing wife? Persephone!
cut to camera 2
PERSEPHONE: [ has a very smug smile ] Thank you, Hades. Now tonight is a very important night for our contestants and do you know why?
HADES: I didn't pay attention during the briefing.
Silence. The camera pans between their blank faces a few times.
PERSEPHONE: [ slowly turns to face the camera ] Tonight is the night when the audience meet the contestants.
HADES: So then why is it important?
PERSEPHONE: I - because first impressions are the last impressions..?
HADES: I'm still not -
PERSEPHONE takes HADES hand and places a thick binder of paper in it
PERSEPHONE: [ eyes screwed shut se fingers pinching the bridge of her nose ] Learn your damn lines. Let's just cut to the clip of the contestants flexing.
Cut to clip of contestants flexing, each clip shows a contestant sat on a red velvet chair with extremely poor back support.
ZEUS: I'd like to think of myself as the alpha male. [ clip of ZEUS running away, screaming, from a chihuahua ] , I'm strong. [ clip of ZEUS asking HERA to carry the groceries as they're too heavy ] Smart. [ clip of ZEUS using a calculator to work out 8x2 ] and most importantly, beautiful. [ clip of ZEUS walking past a mirror and it cracks when he looks into it ]
HERA: Do I think I can win this? Probably considering if anyone here hurts me, Zeus will hurt them. My relationship with Zeus? What can I say other than; it's like when you have a broken USB and you have to position it a certain way for it to work. It's annoying, challenging, time consuming, irritating, temperamental and very on and off but when it works, it's extremely satisfying.
HERMES: Between you and me, I think this show will get cancelled before episode 5 airs. I heard the producer/ writer finds it hard to commit to shows, so who really cares about who wins?
APHRODITE: Well, I'm a single mother. I'm gorgeous, like come on, I can make a really good drink. I am the perfect -
ARES: I'm just here to create drama, that's what the producer asked me to do anyway, I don't really know why else I'm here.
HEPHAESTUS: I still don't know what we're competing for, tWENTY THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS? Why 23? Why not 20 or 25? Why stop at 23? That's so random, what's the point in that? Do you understand how stressful that is? "Hey how much did you win?" "Oh you know, twenty three thousand mmmhnnn whatever." [ HEPHAESTUS gives a very pointed look to the camera ]
DIONYSUS: [ slurring and is already very drunk ] I'm here.. because.. I'm too broke too buy fancy ass wine... like who goes out and says "I'm gonna buy Shiraz for tonight?" no one... you know why? [ he hiccups and points a finger at the camera, shaking it at every syllable ] because nobody can fUCKIng afford it. So.. I'm exploiting your show... to fill my alcoholic needs...
APHRODITE: I can bake a mean batch of brownies, I'm amazing with animals, I'm rich, I speak 4 languages, I have a big heart -
HESTIA: Oh well it might sound dumb but I really didn't want to keep the money for myself. You see, there are 2 or 3 charities I would like to split the money into. It makes me sad to see that we have so much and they have so little
ATHENA: I'm just here to create drama, that's what the producer asked me to do anyway, I don't really know why else I'm here. Someone else said that exact same thing? Who are they? I'll crush 'em.
DEMETER: I really wanna be that mom friend. [ very long pause ] yeah that's it.
APHRODITE: I love listening to other people, I'm a great listener. [ HADES tries to cut in to ask a question ] Not right now, I'm talking. I love children but I wouldn't have any myself, they run you down and I aim to have that immortal goddess aesthetic -
ARTEMIS: Why am I here? So I can tweet about how shitty everyone here is and uhh the girls are hot and Zeus seems a bit iffy. No I don't know what the prize is. TWENTY THREE THOUSAND? Oh shit. I'm here to win, what the fuck.
APOLLO: I'm here to make sure my sister doesn't kill any of the guys here even though that Zeus guy seems to be a bit of a dead weight.
ZEUS: [ from behind the camera ] Hera, I haven't even -
HERA: [ squeezing his shoulder ] Shh, I know babe.
APHRODITE: And I always know how much to say and when. I never talk too much and I never over step boundaries. I'm also very humble. [ long pause ] Yes, I'm finished. By the way, this chair has horrible back support. Are you trying to make me slouch?
Cut to HADES and PERSEPHONE
PERSEPHONE: at least they're dynamic?
CREDITS
next episode will start in 5..
