Candy Pop Corpse

23. Gummy-Bear Groceries

Packaged meat cut in all kinds of ways stood in my vision. Was this real? All of this meat... there was no way it was human, right? That'd be crazy. My hands trembled by my side. They dug into my clothes, desperate to rip a pack open. J-just for a taste. No, that wasn't good. Slapping one hand over another, I forced them behind my back as a chill crawled down my back. But Dib tasted so sweet... and these were right in front of me! Eating just a little more couldn't be that bad. Still, my gut twisted in knots knowing that even just one bite would bring me further from seeing Jack smile at me again. If he saw me now, restraining myself from giving in to my hunger, what would he say? Maybe the better question was if he'd speak to me in the first place.

Just a few days ago, we were shopping together like usual. Despite being the idiot he always was, J-Jack knew what to do when we had trouble. When death knocked at our door, we had each other's backs. Or at least, I thought we did. So why did he let me go that time, like I was nothing to him? Like I was a disgusting leech he couldn't wait to get away from. My breath left my lips through clenched teeth. The last face he showed me was a contorted tug-of-war between hatred and shame. Ha, if only I could see him now. Was he haunted by his very much dead sister? I let out a cracked chuckle, then shivered. The freezers must've been messing with me, that was it.

Past my squirming thoughts and bubbling anxiety, my stomach grumbled for the food right in my reach. Charles mentioned something about how we'd turn into sleepwalkers if we didn't eat out of our own free will. After squeezing my hands together, I scrutinized their produce section. Was I really doing this? Where'd this meat even come from? Who were we about to eat? The endless questions wrapped around my breath and had it at gunpoint. How could I dare breathe when these... these people couldn't anymore?

I shooed those worries away by shaking my head, then stared daggers into the rows of packaged human meat. D-Deep breaths, Lulu. You could do this. When I was alive, I did anything to survive. Jack's opinion of my involuntary diet be damned—there was no way I'd let this stupid thing in my head choose what I eat! Now, there had to be labels, right? Something to say what it was I was getting into. My hands clutched a pack of grounded m-meat. The first thing that caught my attention was a sticker in bold capital letters, boasting how the meat was 'citizen-free' and 'Guaranteed 100% Savage or your money back.' Whoa, they really put their all into this process.

I glanced at the meat I'd gathered. Some ground, others cut into thin strips. Maybe the library had some cookbooks combining meat with pastries. If not, then I had to work with what I could find. Although my heart's rhythm had long since ceased, it panged as my eyes hovered over the rows. From jellos to cake pans, everything seemed to scream at me to think of him. Scolding me for pushing him away. Taunting me for putting my focus elsewhere, despite my search always coming up fruitless. Yet at the same time, it was silent―allowing my resolve to waver with every memory spent with Jack bursting free from my mental constraints.

My grip on the cart's handle tightened. I had to make up my mind sooner or later. It was annoying how everything I looked at kept reminding me of him. He left me to die, so I have to stop thinking about him! But how could I even do that without something to distract myself with? Be it the meat I came to buy or the CTAC brochures in my bag, everything was telling me how different I was compared to when I still breathed life. Tha-That's right! I'm different now―no more living in shacks or scrounging for food in the night. The expertly arranged words on each brochure and pamphlet said otherwise. Yeah, with CTAC I could even bake when before I never would've dreamed of seeing so many kitchen clean tools. Sugars, flour and spices, ahh I could smell it now―

"Aye, Lulu!" Charles called, snapping me from my sparring thoughts. He stood at the end of the baking aisle with seasonings and oils in his arms. "Had a feeling you'd be here."

Boy, he looked like he couldn't hold out much longer. I pushed the cart so he could dump his stuff inside while getting the ingredients I needed along the way. "What's up?" I asked.

"So uh, what's going on with your brother?" He rubbed his neck, letting out a small laugh. His eyebrows stayed furrowed, and he couldn't quite look me in the eyes. "You still remember him, right?"

"'Course. Jack O'brien." The name rolled off my tongue with ease, although the jitters prickling my neck said otherwise. Why'd he have to bring him up, right after I got Jack off my mind? My teeth grated against each other as I crossed my arms. Funny thing was, I was so close to forgetting him that night. Maybe it would've been better to.

His shoulders relaxed. "Ah, good. I just wanted to make sure. And I know you're excited about CTAC, but this seems a bit sudden." His words stretched, as if he was testing the waters of my mood. "Turning into a mortem is a lot to digest. No one's expecting you to accept everything as it is."

"Styke sure was," I let slip as I gnawed on what little nail my thumb had left. Even if the vomit was long gone from my clothes, my nose crinkled at the memory. Even if I was acting irrational, he shouldn't have done that. But what he said was true no matter how I twisted his words. We were different from our past selves, from our diets to who we trusted.

At my remark, Charles messed with his shirt collar. "Sorry about him. He gets a little rough when he's pissed off, but he meant well."

Teeth tearing off a thin slice of nail, I mumbled, "It's fine, I guess." Sure he apologized, but that didn't mean I had to forgive him. Those lollipops were damn good, though.

Silence forced its way between us for a moment. I broke it by skirting the cart around him. "Listen, I get that you're worried, but I know how to multitask. Just because I want to further my baking skills doesn't mean I'll give up finding the jackass."

Of course I wanted to find Jack―he was my little damn brother. I wanted to hold him in my arms, punch his guts, curse him out and strangle him at the same time. But at the same time, it didn't feel right finding him. I could sense his presence fading from my thoughts every second I didn't spend with him on my mind. Deep down, I felt like that was for the best. We were family, no matter what, and I'd hate to see him scared of me. Thinking about that just rubbed me the wrong way.

With a sigh, I turned back to him. "I'm not in a rush. Just weighing my options. Not like there's a cure for dying, so I have to make the best of it sooner or later, y'know?"

"I... guess that's true. But you were gung-ho a few days ago, so I wanted to check on you." He jogged after me when I turned a corner. "If you need help, try not to be afraid to ask."

"Funny, Jack used to say the same thing. 'We have to stick together,' or 'it's us against the world,' cheesy shit like that." I chuckled at the fading memories, then shrugged my shoulders. "Yet when it all comes down to it, relationships never last. Jack made that loud and clear."

He flinched, as if my words stung worse than a raging bee.

"But, I want to see this through to the end. Hopefully with you guys by my side." I placed my hand on his shoulder and smiled.

He chuckled lightly. "Works for me. I'm partly responsible for why you're with us anyways."

With that, we gathered the rest of what we needed and headed for the cash (key?) register.