Just as Friends | KNJ ✔

.seven.

"Favorite food?" I ask while scraping up the last of the meal. 

"I really like meat," Namjoon replies while sitting on the couch, having already finished his noodles. 

"So anything with meat is a go?" 

He shrugs. "Pretty much. Ooh and samgyeopsal. Amazing." 

I laugh as I stand up to throw away our plates. "Galbi is superior." 

I walk over to Namjoon and sit down next to him on the couch. Our bodies immediately lean towards each other and I rest my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around my shoulders to have easier access to my hair. My fingers find his. "Although seafood can go die in a hole." 

Namjoon's deep chuckle causes my entire body to heat up. "We're the same person. It's actually scary." 

I smile. "What do you think you would have done if you didn't try to become an idol?" I ask. 

"I don't really know. I studied engineering in New Zealand for a bit before training. I might have gone down that path. Although in all honesty, I probably would have had some really boring desk job in an office. In my dreams, I would have become a successful writer or poet, although that would've been highly unlikely." Namjoon adjusts so that he's lying down on the couch, his head in my lap. I start braiding his hair as he closes his eyes, a smile on his face. "I don't want this moment to end." 

"Time can be annoying at times, can't it?" 

"Mmm." 

"Are you going to fall asleep again?" I ask with a laugh. 

"Maybe. I'll try not to. Your voice is so relaxing though." 

Look who was talking. "How is the comeback coming along?" 

Namjoon shrugs and opens his eyes. He inhales sharply. "Those eyes are going to be the death of me." His hand reaches up to cup a side of my face and brushes his thumb along my cheek. 

"Comeback is going alright. There are ups and downs. I don't think the entire group knows what we're doing. The concept for this comeback is confusing, and our communication isn't that good this time. It's really strange because we're usually really good with this kind of stuff." 

"I'm sure it'll work out," I comfort him. "Are you going to talk about it at your next meeting?" 

Namjoon nods. "I want to make sure everyone is on the same page. As the fandom continues to grow, there are more expectations to meet. As our popularity grows, there are more eyes watching us. I'm afraid the members will break." 

"I'm afraid you'll break," I say. "I know you're sensitive to this kind of stuff. Oppa, don't overwork yourself." 

Namjoon sighs. "I'm scared. There are so many eyes watching us. I'm scared that our fans won't be pleased with this new concept, with the next comeback. I'm afraid people won't like our songs. I'm afraid people will start seeing us just as every other boy band. If BTS fails, my entire career fails." Namjoon starts to open up what he's been holding back. 

"There's so much to do. So much to accomplish. If we win a Billboard, people expect a Grammy. If we reach 500 million views, people expect a billion. And we're only human. There's only so much a Korean pop band can accomplish, and I don't think people know that. The world is still racist. People only see what they want, believe what they want. There's only so much the seven of us can do." 

I squeeze Namjoon's hand. "But it's not just the seven of you. You have millions of people supporting you." 

He rushes a hand through his hair, frustrated. "That's the other thing. Our lives are in the hands of other people. If we mess up one thing, that's it, we're screwed. In less than a decade from now, we're going to be forgotten. That's inevitable. That's how the music industry works. Idols and singers come and go. I'm afraid of how soon we're going to be seen as just another boy band of the past. K-pop groups are being made every second. People are getting more desperate for money these days. They'll do anything to bring others down and promote themselves. I'm so afraid of everything. I feel like I have the world's weight on my shoulders." 

I bite my lip. I hated seeing him suffer so much at such a young age. "You shouldn't be worrying so much about pleasing the world. Think of yourself first. It's ok to be selfish at times." 

Namjoon shakes his head with a bitter laugh. "I have to though. It isn't my choice. This is what I signed up for when I signed the contract. It will never be about me. It's always going to be about them. That's my entire job. If I don't please them, I'm failing at my job." 

I sigh and resume my work on his brown hair. "Please, just don't overwork yourself. There are always going to be people that hate your work. As the fandom grows, the number of haters grow. The more haters you have, the more popular you are. The world is cruel, Oppa. But you know that. Life isn't fair, people break their promises, and rectangular shaped paper is now considered power.

"You're never going to please everyone. You're never going to be good enough. But that's okay. Just learn to love yourself before you can love others." 

 Namjoon's eyes find mine and he smiles up at me. "These are all words I've said before." 

I shrug. "Sometimes you just need reminders." 

He takes a deep breath. "Thank you. I really needed to let that out." 

"Do you ever regret it? Being an idol, I mean." 

He thinks for a moment before responding. "Sometimes. When we get multiple calls from unknown numbers and get followed everywhere we go, sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I were in a more normal situation. People take for granted going for a walk without being bombarded with fans and being cautious about every moment, breath, word, social media post. Everything I do seems to get recorded onto a news article. The smallest things of my life that I don't ever pay attention to the rest of the world starts to talk about. Sometimes, I feel like the world knows myself better than me." 

He chuckles. "But at the same time, I know how lucky I am to have this kind of opportunity. The fact that our group has been shown this much love and support, and to think that I get to do what I love for a living, I know how lucky and privileged I am. I wouldn't change a thing. Everything is always going to come with a negative aspect. You just have to look past those and try to stay positive." 

I shake my head. "How do you do it? How do you stay so positive?" 

"It's a skill built over time," Namjoon admits. "It's hard at first, but if you keep trying to work on your perspective, really think about what actually matters, and surround yourself with supportive people, eventually your outlook on a lot of things in life can change." 

//

The first glimpse of the issues I believe Namjoon and idols in general struggle with everyday that I will be addressing in this story. 

I really hope this is okay so far. Thank you as always for reading.