Angel

Chapter 1

"What is difficult in life is to stay centered when somebody does or says something that tempts us to close our hearts because their heart was closed. That is hard. But that is also how we grow. We go through those circumstances in order to evolve people who can hold to our loving center no matter what the world throws."

~Marianne Williamson

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See what I see, feel what I feel!

It's time to go take a howl to the moon.

Open your eyes!

Dean shot out of bed. Sweating, panting, wishing none of it was real. His breathing became heavier and shorter, the nightmare became so real. Dean dreamed of himself being covered in blood with Sammy next to him, holding him in his arms yelling 'Dean!' He would awake in his dream to find himself standing in front of a mirror, his eyes pure black and emotionless.

"Dean! What's wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?" Sam ran into the room breathing hard with concern written all over this face.

"Just a nightmare." Dean waved him off but his tactic didn't seem to work too well.

"What about?" Sam sat down on the chair resting in the corner of Dean's bedroom; not wanting to sit on the bed because it was wet with his brothers sweat. Dean explained the whole dream going into detail; Sam had horror in his eyes.

"Dean, you do know that's all true right? You are a demon. You did die. Crowley did create you into what you are. I tried to make a deal. Gadreel did die. Metatron is locked up. Castiel is practically God now to the angels. It's all true." Sam said it as much as he hated to admit it.

"I know. I'm living a nightmare." Dean's eyes were a darker green than before, they showed so much sorrow and pain.

"I'm sorry." Sam couldn't think of anything else to say. What else could he say to his broken brother?

"It's alright, Sammy. How's Cas?" Dean attempted to force a smile.

"I don't know. He hasn't made contact with any of us; he won't answer when I pray, call, yell, scream. I have no idea what's going on." Sam sighed as he slumped further into the chairs old, ripped cushions.

"I get why he isn't." Dean has been blaming everything on himself ever since his transformation, he blamed everything on himself before but it's taken more of a tole this time.

"He isn't mad at you, Dean. You may have demoned out on him but he's not mad. He's not avoiding you. Cas might just be busy, the angel press you know. He did save the world." Angel press, huh.

"Cas has every reason to. I almost killed him, I turned on him. My eyes went black and that was it; I'm bred to kill now, Sammy." The words burned both of the brothers hearts with what was left of them.

"Can't Crowley teach you how to control it?" The two had given up all hope on somehow turning Dean back to a human or anything, angel maybe.

"I don't know, I haven't called him yet. I don't know if I even really want to talk to the son of a bitch." Crowley's name that Dean had given him, son of a bitch.

"Anything is worth trying now, Dean." Sam pushed himself off of the rather comfortable chair upon it's terrible condition.

"I know but I want to at least talk to Cas before I talk with Crowley. He still cares right?" Sam felt like a million boulders fell on him when Dean asked if Castiel still cared. He and Cas were best friends, they had a 'profound bond' as Castiel would call it. But did he? Does Cas still care?