Carter Ortese is Trouble - completed (The Boys #1)

Chapter 21: Carter

"Care to tell me why you're home so late?" My mom sits up from her bed on the couch, rubbing the corners of her eyes. The television is the only source of light in the room. The darkness makes our apartment look like the walls are going to cave in.

Who knows, they might, especially with how scummy our landlord is.

"Can I turn on the lights?"

"Hold on." She presses her eyes shut and nods. I flick the overhead light on, and she grimaces and blinks a few times. Her watery gaze settles on me, blue eyes piercing. Her hair is a mess around her neck with wisps of hair going in every direction. "I'm listening."

I stare at her for a minute, wondering what I could say that would sound real. I've never lied to my mom before, but I've also never seen her this stern. I cross the room to the kitchen and grab a tall glass of tap water. When I'm ready, I head back into the living room and face her steely, unyielding gaze once more.

"Emma came to see me after work," I admit.

Her lips turn down and her eyes narrow, as if I've admitted to breaking the law.

"Not like that," I add. I take a huge gulp of water. None of my words seem to be coming out right. How do I explain the fear Emma had in her eyes? Her pain? The insurmountable feelings she confessed to me? "I'm worried about her."

Mom's eyes soften. "We're going to talk about you going out with a girl so late in a minute, but come here." She pats the sofa next to her, pulling her blankets over to the other end of the couch. I sit down, sinking into our worn cushions. I lean on the armrest opposite of hers. She stays on her end of the couch, burying herself back into the blankets.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I'm not sure how to explain it."

Mom arches an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. I'm not getting out of this conversation.

"She's edgy, anxious, and I want to help her, but I'm not sure how." I let out a breath and curl my fingers into fists. "I'm not sure it matters why she's upset, but it's how she's upset."

Mom nods, stealing the glass of water out of my hands. She drinks the rest of the liquid in two huge gulps. "You're right. It never matters why someone's upset." She hands the empty cup back to me.

"Really?" I gaze at the empty glass and roll my eyes, placing it on the floor.

"Someday in the far future, you'll learn that there are good reasons to have kids." She pauses and smirks. "When they are little, it's like having a tiny butler, but eventually, they grow up and talk back to you. And you can't fire them."

"You're impossible."

She smiles and tugs her hair away from her face, twisting it to the side. "Don't think I've forgotten about lecturing you." I make a face, and she nudges my knee with her blanketed foot. "Tell me what's going on."

I unfurl my fingers, forcing myself to be calmer. I'm no use to anyone this angry. I'm a stick of dynamite, and Emma's sorrow is the match. Short of making Georgia disappear, I'm not sure how to fix what's wrong. There's too many external factors. Her parents aren't helping, and her friends seem absent now that we've started dating.

"She lost her lead position in clarinet, and to her, that was the only thing she could control, the only thing she wanted to do. I think she feels lost without it."

"Okay." Mom nods and leans closer to me. "So you know, that feeling never goes away, even when you're an adult."

"Great. Good talk."

"A small dose of reality. Now, when I was pregnant with you—"

"Here we go."

She ignores me. "—I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down, like I had lost everything that made me me. Then when your father got into the accident..." She looks down and shakes her head. "My world got smaller, and the only reason I had to keep going was you."

Our eyes meet for a second, but I turn away, staring at the discarded glass on the floor instead. I hate when my mom talks like I'm the only thing keeping her alive. I know she means back then, but sometimes I wonder.

"So you've been well-versed in making people feel good in a time of crisis. You were trained in utero."

"Gross."

"True." She gets up and snatches the glass off the floor, rinsing it out in the kitchen sink. When she comes back into the room, she stands behind the couch, wrapping her fingers along the patched cushion near my head. "Now, for the parenting part."

"We didn't have sex."

"Oh, I know. Believe me." She lets out a breath and gives me a long, hard look. "You've never dated anyone before, Carter."

"Thanks for reminding me."

"I'm being serious." She pushes my shoulder. "You are the best thing that happened to me, okay? But I wish I could have had you later. I wish I could have been thirty instead of in high school. I wish a lot of things could have been different."

"I get it."

"How could you?" She comes around the sofa and kneels down in front of me, making us eye level. She grabs my hands in hers, and I want to shrink away from this whole conversation. I hate serious talks with anyone, especially my mom. "Carter, you are my whole world, but you know how hard it's been. I will never do to you what my parents did to me. I will be by your side no matter what you go through, but please do not make me a grandmother in my thirties. Okay?"

"Mom." My voice is deep, edging on a growl. I pull my hands back. "I'm not going to make the same mistakes my father did."

"You won't, no. But other people might make you think twice, second guess yourself and your morals." Her eyes turn ice cold. "I hate how people don't see you for who you are, and I'm hoping that Emma Williams is dating you for you. I hope she understands and gets you."

I can't listen to this anymore. I stand up, making my mom shift back. I get to the hallway leading to my room, not turning to look at her. I curl my fingers along the corner of our chipped drywall. "She's not using me. It's not like that." Instead of waiting for a response, I head into my room and shut the door. I lean my back against it and let out a shaky breath.

I hear Mom sigh even from inside my room, and I hit the back of my head against the door.

Her words take root inside me like poison. They gnaw inside my guts, twisting around and destroying every good feeling I have. Things with Emma feel genuine, but what if my mom is right? Emma asked me out on a dare. Emma wanted me to say no. Emma assumed what everyone else did. What if she still expects me to be that guy? The guy who is trouble? The guy who will be her trouble? What if I'm her own personal escape from reality?

I press my eyes closed, shutting off the stream of thoughts. No. Emma came to me tonight because she needed to talk to someone. It's real. It has to be. I open my eyes and stare into the darkness of my room. If it's not real, then I'd have to go back to existing instead of living, and I'm not ready to give up this feeling. Not now, not ever.

- - - - -

What do you think? Does Emma see Carter, or does she see Carter's reputation? Stay tuned! Next chapter, Emma makes a big decision at school, which has repercussions.

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