My Collection of Wolfstar One Shots

Remus Lupin and the Shallow Dullards

Summary: Sirius questions Remus's taste in romantic partners. Remus isn't keen on getting introspective about his dating and love life.(Post-Hogwarts/Pre-Azkaban; Honestly could be read as Muggle story as well; Cross-posted as always to AO3 and Fanfiction.net.)

It was two am. Remus had just come back home from his date with his boyfriend of half a year, only to find Sirius sitting on the kitchen counter, his legs swinging slowly, eating ice cream straight from the bucket.

Sirius gave him a curious look. "You didn't stay there a night?"

Remus shrugged and leaned against the counter. "He has an early morning. I decided to come back home, so he can get some sleep."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "How romantic."

"It's called being adult and responsible."

"How can you be so cold when you date?" asked Sirius, with bite in his tone. "I swear, wasn't this like the first time you two saw each other for a week? And then you don't even stay a night."

"So?"

Sirius shook his head. "You're unbelievable." Sirius scooped more of the ice cream from the bucket. He ate it slowly, swirling the spoon, thoughtful expression on his face, and then said with a scowl, "Why are you two even together? He's a shallow dullard. And his laugh is weird."

Remus had to think about it. "He likes books too?"

"He likes books too," repeated Sirius flatly, his expression of someone deeply disappointed and unimpressed. "I was expecting you to say at least that the sex is good."

Remus shrugged. Honestly, there hadn't been satisfying sex for awhile. But that's how things went. He knew the signs. This relationship was on its way to end. It was on the same, identical, dull death spiral that had happened with all his previous relationships as well.

He wasn't upset. He had got some good book recommendations to last him a year, and they had had fun movie nights.

Sirius was peering at him with a deep frown. "You should be getting riled up right now. I'm trying to pick a fight here, goddammit. Defend your lovely boyfriend, have a goofy smile, tell me how sickeningly happy you two are. Or cry, for fuck's sake, and tell how bad it is and you don't know how to fix it, but you really want to try." Sirius paused and shook his head, looking frustrated. "But you never do any of that, do you? With anyone you love."

Remus wanted to say that they were talking about dating, not love, but he knew that wasn't a right thing to say. Usually those two things went together for people. "Well. He likes to cook together too. It's nice. He's nice."

"If I were your boyfriend, I'd be offended to hear how passionate you're being. 'Nice'. Please stop, the heat in your words is making me blush."

"He is nice, though."

Sirius groaned. "He isn't supposed to be nice! He should be earth shaking! He should be your other half! He should be the best person in your life, or at least one of the best! He should be making you crazy in all the best ways! You never even smile when you talk about him, you just try to hide your grimace and you change the subject as soon as possible, and that's mad because you are the one who is always smiling, you fucking mister sunshine."

"I'm taking it seriously, therefore there's no room for smiles?"

Sirius gave him a glare, and then a grunt. "True, actually. You do take dating seriously - but in all wrong ways. You treat dating like a boring hobby your mom forced you to start and keep doing when you were a kid."