Supernatural Preferences and Imagines

His thoughts when he reads your letter

Dean-

I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what happened eight months ago on that hunt in Michigan. I shouldn't of risked you and your brothers lives to save that little girl.

Eight months ago...has it really been that long, it feels like ages have gone by. I miss her so much.

I remember it as clear as day, you yelling at me to stay the hell away from you and your brother and that you never wanted to see me again. You told me this in the hospital, with Sam laying in the hospital bed injured.

I remember it so clearly too. I was so mad, I took all my anger out on her. It was me and Sam's fault he got hurt, not hers.

I remember me rushing out of the room and out into the parking lot with tears streaming down my face. It was cold and rainy. I was freezing but I ran, and ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore.

I forgot she was only wearing light clothing, and to think, I was the one who didn't go after her.

When I stopped running, I was by a lake, on a bridge and I looked down into the water but the thing was I didn't think about jumping and ending my life. I thought about all the things I've been through as a hunter, all the things I've been through with you. Then I cried more. I sank to the cold, wet road and cried. Totally lame, right?

I'm an idiot. I miss her voice, her smile, her face and everything about her.

I've never cried so hard in my life. I cried till my throat hurt, till my eyes were so red and my hands gripped the edge of the bridge. But then after a while of crying and cursing at myself and hating myself. I thought to myself, why was I crying over something that I knew was right. Dean, I saved a little girls life! I did the right thing!

She did do the right thing, I knew she did. I was the cause of her crying and hating herself, me. All because of me.

I got on my feet and I walked away from the bridge and the rain and the coldness and I walked up to the hospital parking lot. I walked up to your freaking "baby" and I kicked her as hard as I could. I don't know why I kicked your car once and walked away. It didn't even leave a dent. After that I walked and walked and walked. I walked away from the hospital and away from the car and away from the life I had before.

She kicked my car?

Where I stand now? Eight months later? Well to answer that question, I live in Seattle. 

I went to fire academy, I'm still in it but I only have a little ways to go before I become a firefighter! I have no words to describe how happy I am about my new job, and most of all, my new life. I am so proud of myself for picking myself up and not letting myself get so ruined over some guy.

Another thing I love, is the dog I got a couple weeks ago, I named him Sean, after you and Sam. I love my new car, sure it breaks a lot and it's kinda crappy but that's okay, it's better than driving around in the backseat of your baby. 

Sean, I like that name. Her dream job was a firefighter, I'm glad she's happy. But Seattle, well I might just have to pay her a visit.

I miss you though. I miss you and Sammy. I miss what we had. And I miss you and your pie obsession. And I miss Castiel and his-well-his adorableness. 

I miss her too. I miss what we had too, ah I love my pie. Her and Castiel were close, he loved asking her questions but everybody knew she was mine. And she still is.