The Daughter ↬ SUNGJOY [EDITING!]

➳ thirty six

Sungjae is standing motionless infront of the huge mirror in the hotel he's been staying for the past week. He's looking to his face, to his eyes, his nose, his lips, to himself.

How could he?

How could he not take the signs of his own feelings? When he decided that he wanted to see Areum, ㅡthe little girl he thought was another man's child and yet he didn't mind, he should've questioned himself, right?

Whenever he sees the baby, he suddenly felt contented and complete, he should've been suspicious, right?

But he didn't. He accepted it without questions thinking that he will get over it soon.

The eagerness to see the baby is always on top of his priorities and yet he didn't notice.

Sungjae thought he maybe needs closure.

Or he wanted himself to see that he's not worth of anything at all. That maybe seeing Joy with her own family and Sohyun secretly meeting with her ex, maybe seeing those will make him move on and live a better life. That he will learn something from these experiences to use in the future.

Or maybe he wanted to justify the envy he felt for Hanseol. He wanted to see why he's been dying to be in Hanseol's place, why he wanted Hanseol's family. Why he's jealous.

He let the anger consume him, eat him up wholeheartedly when in the first place he shouldn't have felt it at all. He's not in the right place.

And that all along, that little, innocent and beautiful girl who unknowingly completes his day, makes his heart happy, make him feel as if the speed of his blood cycle doubles up, that Areum is his daughter. He owns her.

That everything he feels everytime he sees her isn't just a result of anger, jealousy, envy or the need for closure because it's all natural. Their connection isn't something to question.

It's a Dad thing.

He let the anger control him, make him do things that he's regretting now. The hateful actions he did. The poison of words he let to slip out of his mouth and throw it all to Joy.

God, Sooyoung...

Their last day came flashing back to his memories like a video tape. He can see her crying, begging for him to listen to what she's going to say, it's painful. Upon realizing how wrong he is, it's like his heart is being squeezed and he's just waiting for it to explode.

He clearly remember himself being a complete jerk, throwing words that surely wounded Joy and that wound will turn into a scar, staying with her forever.

He can't even imagine himself talking to Joy anymore. He feels so low. He's fully aware that he don't deserve any of Joy's time at all.

It's too late to regret now.

Just remembering all the things he did made him want to strangle himself, he wanted to vomit, he's so grossed out of himself and the way he acted. He's such a scumbag.

Sungjae winced. It's true that he would rather feel physical pain than emotional. The weight inside his heart is too heavy that he can't even breathe.

He's such a stupid, hateful, monster.

Worst than Hanseol?

Worst than Hanseol.

But he's already decided to make things right.

Atleast if Joy will let him.

ㅡ