My Big Brother | Sebastian Stan

Not a chapter

Hey guys,

Its just me and I'm gonna take quite a long break from writing. I will continue at some point in the future but not for a while.

You see, one monday one of my friends from my friendship group wanted to depend time with some friends who she didn't hang out with often. Everyone says that was fine, she had said that she wouldn't be ditching us and she went to find her friends.

After she left, my best friend turned to all of us and started saying things about our friend. I was really shocked by this and even more so when the others started to agree. I told them to stop and take our friend's words in to consideration that she wasn't going to leave us behind. They didn't listen and on Friday I decided that our friend needed to know. I told her about what had happened and we decided to talk to our best friend at lunch. She asked her why she had been saying this stuff and she didn't answer and asked who had told her and asked if it was me. I said yes and explained why. My reasoning was that she shouldn't have gotten mad at her because she just wanted to talk to some friends, I said that her reason for being mad was pathetic and all she did was roll her eyes and tell me to go away.

The following Friday, I had people coming up to me asking why I had said something to one of the girls in my old friendship group. I gave the same answer to everyone, "I don't know what you're talking about." Eventually, I asked someone what it was I apparently said. I had a rumour going around about me saying that I had told that said girl to kill herself. I hadn't spoken to her since Friday last week. So I was angry and upset that people would think I would say that. Especially when I have had to deal with my grandfather trying to commit suicide and telling people not to joke about it. I talked to the girl and nothing got better until recently. Me and the girl are completely fine with each other and have a laugh and talk together.

However, my and my ex-best-friend haven't made amends. I have reached out to her talk to sort out everything but she hasn't put in any effort to build back up our friendship.

It's been five weeks since the first argument and I have been forced to leave and find a new friendship group and the group I'm with now like to bring up things about my past that I don't like talking about but I don't want to leave them because if I do then I will be completely alone. Outside of school I just stay at home and not leave at all unless it's mandatory. I've completely isolated myself from the few friends I do have and from my family. I'm a lot more irritable and get in arguments with my dad a lot which I hate because it I only see him on weekends because of his line of work and I don't really talk to my mum that much either. I think that I am starting to develop depression and anxiety but I don't know how to talk to mybpatents about it. It feels as though I can see the possibilities and chances to talk to my friends but my mind keeps on telling me to back off nd not disturb them because it'll only cause me more grief. It's scary and I know I should talk about it but I'm scared that my family just wont understand. I need help but I don't want it because I feel that once I start rebuilding my self confidence it will all come crumbling down.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and talk to you about it because it's easier to talk to strangers rather than friends and family.

Thanks, Ella