[45] Don't Leave Me Like This.

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A/N: you guys are going to hate me after this chapter lmfao!

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Dunia stands their stunned. She tries her hardest not to melt right into him. "You—No, you can't just do that." She pushes him away as she shakes her head in disagreement.

Barqat is clearly hurt over her reaction to his confession. "I don't understand."

"You're coming back to me why? Because she rejected you? You couldn't break her marriage because she's too loyal to Mr. Hiraj?" Dunia's words are so harsh that it feels like someone slit through his heart in one clean cut.

"That's not it, Dunia. I was so caught up in wanting to ruin Furat's life, wanting to stay away from love, I didn't realize I had already fallen in love again, fallen for you." Barqat explains himself, trying to make her understand.

Dunia feels her heart leap out of her chest, no, I won't let him take over me this time. This time, I will get what I want and I want some time to think about me, something I haven't done in a while. "Why do you always do this? Why did it take you so long? Do you truly love me or am I just someone you run to as a second choice? Because that's what I've noticed, I've noticed that I'm almost like a pawn in your little twisted games."

Barqat feels his insides crumbling slowly, he can feel what's coming next, he almost knows what's coming next. "What—why would you—No! That's not it, damn it! You know how hard it was for me to accept that I'm in love again? I love you, goddamn it."

"So, it's about you again? You've finally confirmed your own feelings and now I have to accept that you're ready? What about me? For Allah's sake, Barqat, for once, can you think about me! I've been to hell and back just for you and for you to only realize that you love me after hurting me so many times?" She feels tears threaten to fall again.

"What are you trying to fucking say? You don't love me? Never cared for me? Because it was so fucking hard?" He's on the edge of exploding. He knew this wasn't a good idea, Love can't possibly lead to happiness, ever.

"That's not it, Barqat. When I talked to Furat, she opened my eyes to something. When I'm around you, I'm always walking on eggshells. I'm always thinking, don't make Barqat mad, don't make him sad, don't trigger him in any way, et cetra. Not once have I thought about myself. I think that's really unfair and the effort felt very one-sided." She continues.

She looks at him right in his mesmerizing eyes while saying, "You bought me luxurious things, took me to places I've never been to and could only dream of. And I'm so grateful for those experiences, Alhumdulillah. However, that's not what I mean by taking care of me."

"Falling for you wasn't the hard part, Barqat, in fact it was the easier part compared to everything. What was hard was trying to protect myself from breaking after falling in love with you. I poured myself, all of me, out to you and didn't expect anything back. But you kept hurting me, taking advantage of the fact that I won't go anywhere." Dunia sighs as she wipes her tears away before they fall. And then she says what Barqat was holding in his breath for. "I think we need time away from each other to... to reflect on what we are."

"Dunia... Please." Barqat voice breaks. "Don't do this to me."

Dunia's heart begins to clench. Hearing Barqat's voice so broken and weak makes her want to run right into his arms but she won't do it, not this time. Her chest feels heavy from what she just said but they need this time apart, she wants to know what Barqat really feels. She rests her forehead on his chest, "I'm sorry, Barqat. I think this is the best for us for now."

He wraps his arms around her as tight as he could without causing her discomfort. He squeezes his eyes shut, hoping she'll just listen to him. "Don't leave me like this... I'll do better, I'll be a better husband."

"I know you will be but you need that time on your own to realize that because I spoil you too much, I'm so weak near you, I need to learn how to care for myself as well." Dunia says softly.

Barqat lets his arms fall to his sides and takes a few steps back. "Go." There's a burning ache in the core of his soul, he can feel himself slowly shattering again.

Dunia looks up at him with her teary eyes. She notices his fist is red, almost bloody. Did he hit a wall or...

"Go! Go now." He says through clenched teeth.

Dunia couldn't help it, he looks injured, "Barqat... your hand... what did you—"

"It doesn't concern you anymore." His voice cold as ice. The warmth that was there in his blue eyes are now a winter storm.

Dunia nods. "I'm sorry, we really need this. I really need this. Just remember, I'm not abandoning you, Barqat. I just need to learn to love myself before I can accept your love and love you." He doesn't look at her, making her chest pull a little.

"You said you wouldn't leave me, you promised." His voice sounds betrayed yet cold as if he's asking a question but also making a statement.

"I said, until you didn't need me anymore. You let go of your anger towards Furat, you don't need me as your puppet anymore, you need me as something else but you haven't quite figured that out yet. That is exactly why we need this time apart. I need to be able to love myself before I can love you." She feels her own voice betray her and crack as she says the last sentence. "Goodbye, Barqat." She says at last before turning away from him and walking away.

Barqat's hands turn into tight fists, so tight that his knuckles turn paper white. Look back, Dunia. Look back at me, stop yourself, please turn around, he thinks to himself. But she didn't turn around.

The further she walks away from him, the more he feels an almost dark atmosphere surrounding him. He can feel himself lose every bit of happiness that he's felt with her. 

• • •

"Dunia...?" Ashley squints at the distance, staring at the figure beside her car. "Dunia, is that you? Oh my God!" She runs to her car. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Why are you crying? Why do you look like a mess? Do I have to fight someone?"

Ashley brings Dunia in for a comforting hug when she realizes that Dunia couldn't speak at the moment.

Dunia sobs hard into her chest, clutching onto Ashley. Ashley quietly pats Dunia's back, rocking her slowly to calm her down as Dunia's tears soak her clothes.

Dunia pulls away for a second before breaking into heavier cries again. Her cries sound like howls of misery, which are worsening every second. The pain of what she just did to Barqat are coming to her in short, quick waves.

But she couldn't help it, she needs some time away from him to collect herself. He's made her heart ache and bruised her emotionally so many times and she let it go, she took the punches without complaining once. But enough is enough, he needs to learn the importance of love by himself or else he wouldn't understand the extent to his hurtful behaviour.

There's something that slipped Dunia's mind before she asked for the break in their relationship, something crucially important about Barqat: his self-destructive behaviour.

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A/N: MAYDAY! MAYDAY! EVERYTHING'S GOING TO HELL! EVERYTHING'S A MESS! 💀

Please don't hate me after this, I just wanted to take one last sharp turn in the plot before ending it. 😬

QOTD (question of the day): What do you think of Dunia's decision to separate to take care of herself for once? Selfish or courageous?

Please vote and comment and let me know how y'all feel!!

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