Live In The Moment [Yaoi BoyxBoy]

- 5 -

 The sun was starting to set while the car drove. It was quiet, and I was afraid to say a word towards Mr. Kawashima. He sat quietly, his mouth was moving but I heard no words. I continued to stare at him from the corner of my eyes, my thumbs and other fingers fought between my knees as I was hunched over in my seat. Realizing I almost had sex with Seiji was weird, but I liked it. I loved the feeling of his lips against mine, and his body pressed against mine. It was the best feeling I've ever had, but why can't I tell him? Maybe because he has a fiancé. Instantly, my mind flooded with images of her lips against his. It made me mad, I didn't know why. Do I like Mr. Kawashima? No, that can't be, I'm just a servant, a slave, and he's a rich, successful man... and my master. I quickly shook my head, getting rid of each thought that I had and let out a sigh.

"Ichirou, you've been staring at me for the entire ride, do you have something on your mind?," Mr. Kawashima's voice rang throughout the car, making me snap back into reality.

"What?," I replied, I was confused, and didn't quite get what he had been saying.

"Nothing," he replied back, his eyes going back out the window.

My mind was going twenty times faster than the car was. It felt like it was running a marathon. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if me and Mr. Kawashima actually did end up together. The thought of his finger tips trailing down my sides as I kissed him deeply, sitting on his lap, his- My mind quickly stopped it's traveling, my eyes snapping open, not realizing I had closed them as I stared into the dimly lit car. Mr. Kawashima still sat on the other side of the limousine. His eyes were set on the scenery outside of the window, moving past like a silent movie. His eyes suddenly moved to look at me from the corner of his eye, a small smile on his lips as he stared at me before looking away. What was that?

"We're here," Hiraoka opened the door for me and Mr. Kawashima so we could head inside.

"Thank you, Hiraoka," Mr. Kawashima spoke, as he stepped out of the car with me right behind him.

I was nervous to have to sleep in the same bed as him after what happened this morning, and last night. The entire day was just work, and sitting at meetings, talking about rates and stuff like that. Wasn't exactly an interesting day, but my mind was never focused on any time of the day. We both headed up the stairs, and down the hall towards the room. Mr. Kawashima went to take a shower, while I went into the walk-in closet to pick out my pajamas. After Mr. Kawashima had finished his shower, then we switched, I took my pajamas into the bathroom and carefully set them on the counter as I turned on the shower and began stripping. I stepped inside the shower, my back towards the door as my front was facing the shower head. I enjoyed the warm water that trickled down my chest, and my back. It felt nice, and relaxing, letting my mind finally relax from the hyperactive traveling it has been doing.

"Ichirou, hurry up with your shower, I need to talk to you," Mr. Kawashima's voice traveled into the bathroom, and straight to my ears as I let out a deep sigh. I quickly washed my body, and my hair before drying myself off and pulling on my boxers, with my pajama pants and long-sleeved shirt.

"Yes?," I opened the door as I stepped out, my steps soft and slow as I approached the bed.

"You haven't been talking to me all day," Mr. Kawashima spoke as his eyes was settled on a novel.

"Oh, I haven't?," I tried to play it off as I slowly slipped into the bed and turned my back towards Mr. Kawashima.

I heard Mr. Kawashima let out a sigh as he set down his book on the night stand, and turned his body towards me. He let out a sigh, and set his hand on my shoulder and made me turn onto my back and look up at him. I didn't want to look at him, he honestly made me feel so... So... I just wanted to scream, but all I could is stare quietly. His icy blue eyes sparkled in the dimly lit room, as he just stared at me.

"Why are you-" I got interrupted as Mr. Kawashima gently pressed his lips against mine. His lips were soft, and warm, I enjoyed it a lot. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as I pressed my lips against his harder, making the kiss more firm.

He pulled away, letting out soft pants. "Why are you ignoring me?," I froze at that question, I wasn't sure how to answer. I let out a sigh as opened my mouth, but no words were coming out.

"I don't know, I'm just afraid, this is supposed to be a professional relationship, right?," I asked, looking into his eyes, searching for any means that this is something more.

"If I wanted a professional relationship, I would have hired an assistant, not buy myself a slave, this is neither a relationship between lovers, I have a fiancé but I just want someone that I can have a fun time with without getting nagged at, and yelled at, I just want a mistress," with those words, my heart just shattered.

"Okay, got it," after I replied, his lips were back on mine, and they trailed down my neck, and as clothes got discarded, and tossed away, there was no stopping him now.

 In my heart, this didn't feel right, this wasn't what I truly wanted but in my head, this is all I wanted. All I wanted was to enjoy the time that was about to happen, but I couldn't for it wasn't right. We weren't doing this for love, we were doing this just to relieve stress for him, and it hurt, it hurt so badly to feel this way. I just wanted to yell, scream, and cry about how this felt wrong,I hardly knew him, but I felt such a strong connection to him, and all I wanted was him to love me, but the more I thought about this, the more I wanted to go back, to him, back to the one that truly loved me once, that thought just about me, but that's just a fairy tail, I'm stuck in this sad reality where I'm nothing but a boy toy for this sick man.

Word Count: 1150