letters | h. renjun; wang yiren ✓

「 NINE 」

dear renjun,

i wonder what you were thinking as i blacked out. were you worried, anxious, or worse, were you really not affected about what happened to me?

but guess what?

i heard you talking to me in my dream, or was it? i wasn't sure, though i was secretly hoping it wasn't a dream.

"will you just wake up, wang yiren? stop making me so worried. i know i shouldn't be giving a damn about you, but i just can't tear myself away from you."

in my dream, i remembered myself asking you, "why don't you like me back, renjun oppa?"

"it's not that i don't, it's that i can't."

then just like that, your voice disappeared from my head and dream, and i was left in pitch black darkness.

you can't? why? what was wrong with me? did his super rich parents warn him against having feelings against me, like all those kdramas?

slowly and gingerly, i forced my eyelids open and found you next to me seating on a chair, staring at me intently. chenle was standing by the door, his arms crossed over his chest. he looked tired.

i looked around and found myself in the nurse's office. i watched your eyes light up when you registered the fact that i was awake and you called my name, squeezing my hand, while chenle looked up and sent me a weak smile.

the two of you explained to me what had happened, but i couldn't get those two words out of my head — "i can't".

after chenle left (unwillingly), me and you were left alone in the room without the nurse. i longed to talk to you again and explain to you everything about my feelings and the hate i was receiving from other students that you were oblivious to.

but i could sense that you were unwilling to talk to me, and instead kept looking away from me.

"are you. . .sick?" instead, i asked the third thing in my mind that day.

you looked surprised and hesitated for a while before shaking your head. i was relieved to hear that, but suddenly you had a big coughing fit, and when you pulled your hand away from your mouth. . .was that. . .blood i think i saw?

but you shoved your hand into your pocket quickly and sent me a smile that didn't reach up to your eyes. it didn't seem sincere.

i really hope that wasn't blood i saw, huang renjun.

from,
yiren.

— ♥ —