mArS * matty healy

chapter seven

mars (matty) - 12th september 2018

we ate.

we drank.

and we drove more.

i noticed jupiter's legs bopping up and down, and her fingers twiddling her rings around. something was dead off with her, obviously her mum, but it seems to have hit her worse than i expected.

"mars," she muttered quietly.

"yeah?"

she closed her eyes. "i need a fix," she whispered, breathing deeply in and out her nose. my head flew to look at her, while we came to a red might.

her eyes were heavy with sadness, and she looked defeated. she only normally has coke when she's drinking, last time was meant to have put her off.

"ok," i reply quietly and grip her leg. "it's fine j, tonight was rough," i assure her.

"why doesn't she love me though mars?" she began to sob. "why doesn't anyone love me?" she asked sadly.

i thought silently.

i loved jupiter.

and she's sat in front of me, begging for love and i'd give anything to be the one to give her what she wants. but i can't; we're best friends for christ sake.

i pull over to the side of the road.

she sniffs. "what we doin?"

i don't say anything but i gently wipe her tears away.

"don't cry baby," i pout jokingly, making her smile. "you have so many people that love yer j, i love you all the way to jupiter and mars. love ya to the moon and back."

"you're my best pal, my rock, my inspiration. don't ever feel like no one loves you because you are so much more important than you believe," i finish, shocked by the detail i accidentally went into.

more tears streak down her face.

"mars you're fucking amazing i love you more than words can say," she grins, her eyes alight and twinkling.

my heart was doing backflips. crazy crazy summersaults. roly fuckin polys and cartwheels around my belly.

JUPITER

say it.

say it.

SAY IT.

i want to tell him how he's the one i want to be with until i grow old and die. he's the one i want to love and i just want to drown him in my affection. he's a dream, a treasure, the most precious thing alive.

but i can't tell him.

and he can't tell me.