I Hate You (girlxgirl)

33. Insistent

note: hiya guys I'm drinking a beer rn because I need to relax in my life and this chapter was actually complicated for me to write...

so to all the people that need to blow off steam tonight

cheers to happy things

and enjoy this chapter (:

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June's POV

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I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration as I stared at the taller blonde before me, "Riley, I don't understand. I know we're not dating, but we were doing so well..." I started to trail off in insecurity as I ran the details of our friendship turned relationship in my head. Did I do something wrong? How come all of a sudden she wanted to end our relationship? (Well, not a relationship but kind of heading there kind of way.)

It was definitely because of Adrienne.

"Look- if it's because of Adrienne, I already told you-" I continued to say but stopped when she shook her head with a small smile curving her lips.

"June, I can guarantee that it's not about Adrienne," she paused to place a hand on my shoulder, her touch seeming strained but welcoming in nature, "I did talk to Adrienne about it, and we did talk about the jeopardization of our friendship because of us- but it's not it."

I tilted my head, "I don't think I understand."

"And you don't have to understand now, but what I can tell you is that I understand how unhappy you are. Yes, we can be friends, and I would continue to like to be friends. But I can't stand seeing the look in your eyes as if there's something missing."

She cleared her throat and let her hand fall to her side, "Regardless if it's about Adrienne for you, if you're looking for some closure on your relationship with her, if you're looking to get back with her, or if you're looking to find some other way to explore or understand your sexuality - I think you've got to find that out by yourself. I can be here along the way, but I don't think it's healthy for either of us to push ourselves upon a relationship that might end a potential friendship."

I tightened my lip between my teeth, "So, what we've been building - us - it's just for nothing?" I didn't quite understand where she was getting at and sighed to myself when I realized that I actually wasn't that upset over it. My body felt relieved that she wanted to just be friends, I just ultimately didn't understand her reasoning for doing so.

"It's not for 'nothing', June. I'm doing it for you, and I'm doing it for me. I've had a crush on you for quite some time, but I refuse to be with you when I know you want someone else."

I shuffled around on my feet, leaning against the locker as I crossed my arms together, "I don't want anyone, Riley."

She rolled her eyes, "If you say so, whatever. It's not even about you wanting someone, it's more of finding out what you need in your life. We're both new to expressing our sexuality, now here's the place to diverge from each other and explore it in other places and people."

My heart panged, realizing that she still was right. I still wasn't even sure what I wanted in my life, fuck, it was my last year in high school and I still didn't know what I was going to do after I graduated. I've been more focused on my romantic drama this year than anything else.

It was mostly proof that I needed to focus more on myself. Was that what Riley was insinuating?

I groaned, "I suppose you're right."

She shrugged, "I know I'm right," her blue eyes twinkled and I knew I was going to miss staring at them, despite my inner-self wishing for a pair of grey ones instead.