My unsent poems

You

You were my fisherman
You caught my eye
in an ocean filled with beautiful beings
and picked me
But you were a fisherman for fun
Catching prey and throwing it back
Just to pass time
Just to pass time you decided to capture me
your hook knew what it was doing
For I, blindly in love,
was mesmerized by it
The sense of danger must have escaped me
A kidnapping I wasn't even aware of
But hobbies will always stay hobbies, won't they?
And so, you let go
Still, I find myself swimming near the place you used to go fishing

You were my alarm clock
You woke me up
from a sleep so deep,
where everything was lost, constantly dreaming
even when awake
The winter in my heart
kept the climate cold and inhabitable
Until your mouth formed spring
and blew it towards me
Three words from you made me see
that spring can come even in the coldest places
That rain is pretty but so is the rainbow
That my heart could get used to your warmth
That I was allowed to feel
You couldn't have known
That when the winter leaves,
the bear awakes
The bear I forcefully put to sleep
As it has killed everything that has gotten a bit too close
a bit too near
a bit too dear
To me
The intrusive monster you taught to get stronger
By feeding it things you knew would set it off
A bear that I knew existed
But never wanted people to see
And you're so not fair
For you got to see.
Why did you wake me up?
Why did you act like you couldn't see the bear? When in reality,
it was eating us whole
And though I knew it'd end in a massacre
Still, I would stay awake with you,
watch the night sky for as long as eternity
Or at least
until the beast rip us apart

You were my Judas
Always by me, always loving
You found your religion, you said, and it was me
You kissed me and made me feel like I existed just to be right there, next to you
But then the soldiers came disguised as fights, disguised as screaming and as violence
And you showed them the way to me
How much did those soldiers offer you to choose them over me?
Why didn't you choose me?
What was it, that was worthy enough
for me to be given up on?
Me for peace?
Me for silence?
Me for nothing?
And just like that
Everything real became a lie
Your kisses
Your words
Your hands touching mine
Still, I would let you betray me a million times more if it meant that your lips would touch mine again

You were my drug
I always thought I was too smart to let my life go to waste on alcohol and drugs and that arrogance meant everything
until I saw you
Nothing made me want to risk my life,
become addicted, ruin everything I had built until now just for a moment of happiness
And so your touch became my heroin
and I became addicted
Trapped between your fingers
I knew it'd kill me if there was nothing left of you 
Though I thought you'd stay the bad influence
for just a while longer
Where are you now? I need you, please
Just one more fix, you can't do this to me
And like a junkie I begged
and cried
And bargained
And threatened
And shouted
And you teared up
Looking at what I had become
my wounds
my swollen eyes
My mouth that's shaking
My focus locked on you
And at my desperate eyes
You felt nothing but
Pity

"There's nothing left to give,
the side effects will die out"

funny how you'd say that
when the only thing
I wanted to let die out was me
Still, the side effects are worth the pleasure
Even when the side effect is to never feel alive again

Until I find you
Until you return
I'll keep swimming around
in case you'd like to play
I'll keep my door open in case you'd want to release me from this nightmare
I'll keep being near in case you need a religion to hold you together
I'll keep doing the same drugs
The ones that make my mind numb
For an hour or two
To forget for awhile
That you're gone forever