My unsent poems

happy thoughts

happy thoughts bounce around in my head
they go left and right and left again
they bounce and bounce and start breaking stuff
It's getting kind of dangerous for me here
But they're happy thoughts
And i should be fine with that

Happy thoughts singing in harmony in my brain
Loud and clear about the good things in life
My blessings one by one
Like chanting it echoes in my hollow body
Loud and now less clear, just noise
By millions of happy thoughts
But they're happy thoughts
and happy thoughts are good
So i should be fine with that

the thoughts would've drowned me, she said
And just in time she came
took me out of control and filled me up
With happy thoughts, all over
my thoughts, she said, were all wrong
And happy thoughts need to bounce in them
Deteriorate them, wipe them out
and change my bad habit

and now the happy thoughts are here
They're round and white, they're happy thoughts
And that's good
I swallow them whole and free them
happy thoughts immigrating in my brain
sucking all the water that was once a problem
So I won't drown
only happy thoughts live here
And I can't fucking stand it—
But they told me it really should be fine like that

my own thoughts, they're all wrong

happy thoughts living in my body

dancing and smiling and laughing and killing all my bad habits

and I should be fine with that
I should really be fine with that

But I can't fucking stand it

the happy thoughts are late today

and it's all my fault

yesterday's happy faded away

the new dose is waiting

But so am I

I see the box and the box stares back

Today my head is getting peace
the thoughts, they're all wrong

but they're mine

Today there's no party I'm forced to be invited
Today I'm crying cause it's my turn to have a party
And in parties I feel lonely
bad habits
Bad habits all dancing in my head
And I'm dancing along
In my parties I know no one will come to bounce around and smile
No one will come at all
and so

today Im sad

At last

And I'm fucking fine with that