Lost Love (Bucky Barnes/ Winter Solider fanfiction)

Chapter 18

" I have a confession to make, " Bucky said breaking the silence. It was a comfortable silence that it lasted for a couple of hours but they were okay within they liked it. " I got us a cabin in the woods"

"A cabin in the woods?"

"yeah a cabin in the woods"

" A cabin in the woods"

"yeah, a cabin in the - oh you suck" (y/n) laughed as Bucky finally caught on to what she was doing.

"A cabin in the woods is fine. I don't mine."

"we're still roasting marshmallows over a fire, hiking, swimming, and everything else you do while camping," Bucky said with a determined looked on his face. Yep, he was determined to camp.

It was dawn as they pulled up to the cabin (y/n) squealed with excitement she quickly apologized afterward and composed himself Bucky just waved her off she was excited so was he. 

The cabin wasn't that big nor was it small but average it looked like one of those cottages you'd find in a mother nature magazine it was beautiful and well hidden, Bucky almost missed the cabin it was so well hidden within the trees.  (y/n) saw a lake behind the cabin and decided to have a look and it was beautiful the sunset shined over the water so beautifully like stars on the water.

"Beautiful, huh," Bucky said walking behind her

"it is. How did you find this place?"

"It's a safe house. That's why it's so well hidden in the trees" Bucky said observing their surroundings.

"how about we put the bags up and go for a swim... I-if you want to I mean if you don't that's fine too we don't have to -" (y/n) began to stutter.

"why do you always do that?"

"do-do what?" she looked at him a bit nervous now he seemed upset.

"second guess yourself so much. You come with an idea or say something then you take it back. You're allowed to have your own opinion you're allowed to speak your mind. Try it sometimes" And with that Bucky went back to unloading the car.

(y/n) grew up in the 60s where girls were taught to be the perfect housewife ( at least that was the case in her community) still wearing knee-length skirts, small heels, and short hair or long hair with short updos. Although there were big changes going on back then she never got involved her parents wouldn't allow it. She was taught to speak when spoken too, don't be disrespectful, and don't disobey adults or cause trouble. When she was kidnapped by Hydra those teaching followed through and well she was an obedient soldier very early on. Speaking up, speaking her mind, and taking the lead was something she wasn't use to or knew how to do. Maybe that's why she couldn't come clean to Bucky about her feelings.

-

After bring in her bags (y/n) went to her room after putting her things away she laid down and closed her eyes listening to the soft sounds of the forest taking in the new clean smell. This was much better than the city, sounds and smells were softer and more natural. she curled up and listen to this all day. Then there was that one sound and that one scent it was out of place yet it fit in so well. The sound of his heartbeat and flow of his blood the beautiful smell of his intoxicating scent. It was her greatest addiction. 

"yo, are you going to lay in bed all day. I thought you wanted to swim" Bucky said from the living room he knows she can hear him. She did and she thought

 He still wants me?

-

Bucky was already in the water doing backstrokes. (y/n) hesitantly stepped out in her bathing suit she cursed Steve and his choice of tight and small swimwear. She was used to covering up so much, always covering up everything. It made sense seeing as her skin was so fragile and tender. She tiptoed slowly into the water hoping he wouldn't notice her before she was fully submerged and bathing suit hidden in the waters. 

"how does it feel?" Bucky asked as he laid still on the water

"excuse me?"

"how does it feel? The water. Your skin is so sensitive, so how does it feel in the water?"

"Um..." she didn't know what to say she never tried to explain her intense feeling to someone she didn't know how. " it feels ...nice? cold? But I like it ... it is soothing. It's like this intense colling I can fell it slowly surrounding me and just... blissful. I can't even describe it." (y/n) said as she slowly submerged everything but her mouth and nose in the water then lifted herself in the same pace. Bucky watched as she indulged herself in the peaceful waters.

"Was everything this intense for her?"

"Yes," she said "sorry... you spoke out loud. Everything is intense. Sound, site, touch, taste, smell that's why I try to dull everything... doesn't always work"

"is that why you have so many panic attacks?" he asked swimming towards her.

"In Hydra, they turned off the lights and closed all the vents. They sealed me in and dulled my senses were right outside the door sounded miles away. That room was the best punishment Hyrda ever gave me." She closed her eyes and leaned back taking in the sun. 

She looked absolutely stunning he couldn't help but admire her beauty, why did it take him so long to notice her beauty? Maybe he was just that stupid.

"when did we first meet?" he asked she smiled and giggled a bit

"1956  I was 15 ... or 14? I don't remember"

"when did we last meet?"

"March of 2014. We were on the helicarrier" her smiled faded away

"you were there?"

"I saw you fight. I watched you fall... Then I went back and told them you died... I knew you didn't"

"how?"

"I know you ... plus I watched you walk away so..." he laughed and swam closer to her he was so close she could feel his warmth even though she wasn't touching him. She opened her eyes.

"sorry it's just... you always seem to be watching. I bet you see a lot with these eyes... those beautiful, big, spell casting eyes." he gently brushed her cheek she blushed and looked down whispering a soft "thank you".

Bucky wrapped his arms around her waist she leaned into him. "shouldn't I be thanking you. You seem to be taking better care of me than...well me"

"you use to take care of me" (y/n) said leaning into his chest laying her head on his shoulder as they floated. This was the first they've been this close and comfortable in a long time. She missed this feeling, she missed this so much. No one had held her this good in so long she didn't want it to end. But soon the sun was leaving them nearly in the dark nothingness. Without a word, the two exited the lake hand in hand.

"how about you go shower and change, relax. I'll make dinner"

"you know I can cook, right?"

"Yeah, so can I. you can cook tomorrow. m'kay" Bucky said  nudging her

"m'kay"

"now go bathe you have to relax."

This weekend was going good so far.