Violent Eulogy

The Aftermath

I haven't lost everything.

It had to be done.

I repeat to myself as I check my face in the rear view mirror. I exhale and whisper:" You can't pull back now, not now, not after everything."

Two deep breaths later and I'm ready to face it all, it won't be easy, it won't be pretty, but at the end of the day bad things happen, and no amount of love, or dedication or sheer will would ever change that.

They couldn't hold me responsible for it.

I walk into the police station, and every word that was being spoken dies instantly, air stiffens,  everyone steal their looks and stare down uneasily.

Huh. One would think out of all the places in the world, death was easier to handle in here.

But, apparently not.

One of our detectives, Erin approaches me:" Hey, how are you holding up?"
I think she thinks we're friends. I never thought we are but I don't mind a little sympathy right now.

I give her a faint fake smile:" Trying my best."
She nods. And clears her throat before asking me to accompany her down the hall:" They're waiting for you."

Of course they are.

I keep walking with my head held high.
"Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout..." Erica looks at me like I've gone mad:" Are you humming itsy bitsy spider?"

I shrug:" Was I? I tend to hum nursery rhymes when I'm stressed out."

She looks embarrassed:" Oh, sorry. I didn't know that." She tries to give me a reassuring smile.

No you didn't know that. But Ash did. And he used to tease me about it all the time. But he's dead.

He's dead and I have to explain why.

I wait before the captain's office. Gathering myself.

How can one door be so frightening?

Summoning my courage, I knock twice.

"Come in." The deep, familiar voice of Captain Preston fills me with a sense of security.
Oh good, he's here.

That man will understand. He has to.
I walk in with a lighter heart than a moment ago.

And there he is, Captain Timothy Preston, sitting back with his wide shoulders and stoic expression, he's carefully opening and closing his left fist on the table, his stern blue eyes holding my gaze firmly. I've always imagined Preston must've broke a lot of hearts when he was younger and not bald.

And just as I would imagine, he's not alone, an unfamiliar man with red skin and dark short curly hair is sitting beside him, observing me closely. I instantly dislike him, there's something threatening about him.

He nods when he sees me:" Pleasure to meet you Detective Dawn, I'm Lieutenant Mervin Wynne."

He gestures for me to sit in the chair in front of them. Captain shoots him a threatening look, he doesn't like others taking command in his presence.

He doesn't notice the silent rage and continues:" I've heard quite a lot about your potential and achievements, it's a shame we had to meet under such circumstances."

Captain gives him yet another dirty look for a second, clearly not liking his intimate greeting but keeps his professional mask on:"Detective Dawn, we're sorry for the circumstances and understand you might need some time..." he points at my bandaged forehead and continues:" But I'm afraid we just can't wait. There are answers to be received and your testimony is of utmost importance."
My testimony?

I sit back and drink in his words in absolute joy, him pretending that my testimony is not the only piece o evidence available is very entertaining.

I smile meekly:" Of course Captain. Nobody wants this case to be solved more than me. Especially after what happened to Ashley..."

The red jackass interrupts me like the jackass that he is:" Excuse me Detective Dawn, but this is a formal debriefing, I would need you to start from the very beginning, stating your name, age and rank for the record." He points at the recorder in front of him.

Suddenly, against all odds, I feel completely at ease. This is it. It's the formal debriefing. If I get through this, It'll be over, Once and for all.