Cigarettes and Sass (reupload)

Chapter 16

Gerard didn't know what to do with himself anymore.

The days were drifting by in a slow, numb haze, everything tainted by the knowledge that Frank had gone and wasn't coming back. Gerard was trying not to let it affect him, he was trying to pretend it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like he and Frank had ever said they loved each other or anything... but he really had cared for him, and he wanted him back.

After Frank had stormed out and Bert had followed Gerard back into the apartment the artist had spent hours trying to call Frank, leaving him message after message begging him to let him explain. When that had failed he had tried Matt instead, but he ignored his calls too and Gerard was left feeling even more heart broken.

Gerard was trying to remain strong and forget about Frank for now. Bert needed his help and he was spending all of his spare time and energy on trying to find out exactly what problems Bert was in and how they could solve them. So far he had managed to get a little more information out of him about his boyfriend and it was fairly obvious the guy was abusive, but that was the most he could ascertain. Bert wasn't opening up to him and Gerard knew it was going to take a long time to make him trust him enough to really talk to him. It was frustrating, especially when Bert had come to him specifically for help and was now closing up on him.

Gerard sighed and slid his head down to rest in his palm, his elbows resting on the desk top. He was sat in his office, trying to forget his problems long enough to get some work done but he just couldn't bring himself to do anything. Drawing was the one thing he had always been able to count on to make him feel better, but now it just wasn't helping at all. No matter what he did, every line, every shade, it all became Frank. He was growing sick of it.

Gerard hadn't bothered to leave his office at all whilst at work the past few days. He didn't feel like eating and he couldn't even summon the energy to go for a cigarette. It was a miracle he even made it into work at all... All he wanted to do was lye in his bed and wallow in self pity, but he couldn't do that even when he finished work thanks to Bert living with him. He couldn't let the younger man see how upset he was, it would only make things worse. Bert was already blaming himself for what happened even though Gerard had explained why Frank was mad, and it wasn't helping the blonde man's self esteem one bit.

Gerard groaned and slumped until his head was resting on the desk. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to dispel the queasy feeling in his stomach. He just wanted Frank back... He just wanted to explain...

"Gerard?" Gerard glanced up through his eyelashes to see that the door to his office had been pushed open, Brian gazing at him from round the side of the door. He was looking anxious, biting on his lip and shuffling his feet as he gazed in on the artist. "Can I come in?"

"Mm..." Gerard shrugged and tipped his head a little, neither giving nor denying Brian entry so the younger man took it as an invitation and stepped into the office anyway. He closed the door gently behind himself and sighed as he leant against it, folding his arms across his chest and resting one foot against the door. For a long while he just stared at Gerard and didn't say anything and Gerard just couldn't bring himself to sit up properly.

"Are you okay?" Brian finally asked, Gerard sighing as he shook his head slowly. "I heard about your break up... I'm sorry man." Gerard blushed deeply and winced as he felt tears prickling hotly in his eyes. Technically neither he nor Frank had said they weren't together anymore, though of course Gerard had assumed that must be the case. Hearing Brian confirm it just made him feel a million times worse.

"Look," Brian sighed when Gerard made no sign he had even heard him. "Frank's been really cut up, Matt's been going out of his mind trying to cheer him up. I think you guys need to talk." Brian walked across the room to sit on the edge of the desk, gently stroking his fingers through Gerard's hair and biting his lip when Gerard scowled.