and with the deafening mind of hers came a sorrow she submitted to. it was as if she was submerged underwater for years of her life, solely being focused on how everything was amplified beneath the surface. it was all very loud, similar to the volum...
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november 3rd
to some, there is something absolutely exhilarating in all things new. a change in scenery or atmosphere, a new article of clothing that fits incredibly well, a different genre of music to be introduced to; it can all be fresh and completely exciting.
"you told me that you understand. i want to know how," celine sat beside harry who had leaned back on his forearms, absorbing the perfect blend of sunshine and low temperatures. he had heard her footsteps through the trees and over the dry leaves, not altering his position.
she saw his demeanor; enviously relaxed and joyous of life around them. the sun glowed on his skin with his head tilted back, like he was offering himself up to the universe. "how do i understand the bruises and hurt wrist?" although harry's eyes were closed, celine nodded her head becoming unsure of what she was truly asking of him. "i've had my fair share of bruises and wounds, celine."
he sat up, and removed his jacket. he held out his arm, extending it from his body toward celine. in the light, the white scar from the back of his forearm nearly to his elbow was exceptionally prevalent. then he rolled his sleeve up to the top of his shoulder to reveal yet another scar. "the shards from the mirror she broke gave me these. didn't get stitches for them, but i probably should have."
celine couldn't help herself and let her finger ghost over the scarred flesh that detailed his arm. harry watched her carefully, and noticed tears beginning to surface. she met his eyes that held the optimism she lacked, and harry felt she resembled a balloon filling with a supply water that didn't seem to be stopping and would soon explode. "i'm so sorry."
and it was funny for harry to hear her speak those little words that were actually quite enormous because they were genuine and said with every ounce of sincerity she contained. those words were the same ones he wanted to tell her when he first saw the bruises along her neck, and although he said the words, his true intentions of them were not spoken. she pulled her hand back, leaving his scars displayed in the open to feel the warmth of the sun rather than her touch. "as am i, celine."
and there it was. the explosion harry felt was near was right before his very eyes. "i-i just don't know how i got here." she wiped the explosion with her sleeves and felt her chest tighten because everything hurt, and her mind was cruel. so, harry did what he thought best; wrapped his arms around her frail, shaking body with security and reassurance. he shushed her gently and rubbed her arm to hopefully calm the trembling.
"when i would find myself in the situations that physically hurt me, i would imagine myself getting the bruise from doing something completely badass. it's stupid, but like my rib bruises would have me picturing myself in a boxing match." maybe the sound of the birds chirping stopped the trembling, or possibly the consistent sound of the rapids below, but perhaps it was harry's voice subtly giving her a minute fraction of strength that nicholas had taken from her throughout the years. "i don't know if that was a healthy thing to do. it probably lessened the pain and took away from the reality of it, so i'm not sure i recommend it. maybe you can just remember that you are badass?"
she wiped off her tears and chuckled softly at his assumption that she could simply think that way. the only thing that ran though her mind was to simply cease her existence. she didn't want any of it, she never did. and at times she wondered when she would allow those thoughts of bidding farewell to the life that brought her a steady aching to consume her entirely. "when did it get better?"
harry's lip ended up between his fingers and his eyebrows were pinched together. for him to remember when it got better, he first had to pinpoint the moment he knew it was bad. he began reliving those years of watching his every move to ensure a smooth day. it wasn't until they were living together, and she flaunted her high ranking position at her work to make him feel lesser of the two. "when i accepted what she was doing as wrong and stopped making excuses for her while blaming myself."
the trees rustled, and the breeze blew through celine and harry's hair like a coaxing mechanism to encourage the brutal honesty of their experiences. it was a strange thing for the two of them to confide in each other. "he's trapped me," but sitting there with harry, celine was anything but trapped. she looked at the clarity of the sky and wished her mind could mirror it. a leaf fell from a tree above the two and was carried by the wind, and it was something celine admired; the way the leaf was free and able to escape. "i let him convince me to quit my job, and we were happy. i had no idea that was his way of controlling me." but eventually that soaring leaf plummeted into the river below, and it was submerged as the rapids overpowered its ability to float.
her mind had been the darkest place for ages, darker than the hair on her head, darker than the pitch black nighttime that surrounded her when she couldn't sleep and was desperate to make sure nicholas remained held captive by slumber. celine had become so accustomed to the darkest place on the face of the earth being rested upon her shoulders that seeing the light in harry's eyes was more foreign than any introduction she had ever known. "have you ever thought about leaving, even with hardly anything in your possession?" there was a light at the end of the tunnel within her thoughts, and harry was living proof of that.
an exhale left her lungs and entered the chilly air. "i left once." then she inhaled a gust of the cold atmosphere to pierce her lungs . "i had taken some of the money he keeps in his bedside drawer, and only made it to the bus station before he found me." that evening was one of excruciating pain and agony, she wished more than ever for her suffering to come to an end. but alas, celine was not meant to escape the darkness that evening and survived to be given a beacon of hope through the man with eyes the color of spring leaves and hair the shade of brown that nurtured the greenery. and although the pair were technically strangers, they had never felt closer to a person because there was so much understanding between them it was something they had not yet encountered.
