and with the deafening mind of hers came a sorrow she submitted to. it was as if she was submerged underwater for years of her life, solely being focused on how everything was amplified beneath the surface. it was all very loud, similar to the volum...
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april 16th
remembering what once was and leading into what currently is.
celine sat on the edge of the bed with tears in her eyes and hair damp like the ground outside from the previous downpour. she had four hours to erase herself from the house as much as possible. the duffel bag beside her was empty and opened, not an article of clothing packed.
how do you evacuate your life?
the bus would come through in the afternoon at two-thirty, it took ten minutes exactly to walk to the stop meaning she would leave at two-fifteen with one bag in hand to never look back. however, as she sat on the bed she could hardly sleep in she looked back on her entire life because in four hours it would all change.
celine's parents married late in life, and they also conceived later in life than they would have hoped. her father already suffered from health issues, but the news of celine distracted him and became the joy they needed. she was raised with all of the love her parents could offer her, but there was always something missing.
at the age of four she learned how to ride her pink bicycle painted with colorful flowers and paired with a woven white, wicker basket and an annoying bell she giggled at the sound of. it took her a while to get the hang of it, so she fell and scraped up her arm a bit, but her father encouraged her to keep going because a small inconvenience shouldn't stop her from reaching the end goal.
at the age of eleven, celine's mother noticed something off in her daughter. it was like she desired to feel a happiness that was out of her reach, and it worried her mother which is why when she was thirteen her mother took her to a doctor where they diagnosed her with depression.
it was manageable with the therapy and regular intake of her prescription, but then her father's health issues became more prevalent. it was at the age of sixteen that celine's father passed away. it was devastating for both her mother and herself.
she graduated from school at seventeen and began working at the shop that sold supplies for a day out on the river. then a month after her eighteenth birthday, celine's suffered the loss of her mother from a brain aneurysm. she lost herself, and everything became loud because of it.
she kept her quiet job at the shop and lived in the townhouse left by her parents. nicholas' uncle owned the shop, so when he finished school and came to visit, celine was twenty one and unsure of becoming involved with someone, but he was charming and could sweet talk his way into heaven.
date after date, celine had wished she met him sooner because there was something about the way he seemed to appreciate her and cherish her. eight months since meeting, he found a job not far away, so he asked her to move in with him. a house on her favorite street was put onto the market, so they bought it and she sold her townhouse.
there were so many late nights they would stay up laughing at nothing just being in love. to get the new house in order, celine agreed to cut down on her hours at work to get things the way they wanted. she would've offered nicholas her happiness if that's what he wanted, and that's exactly what happened.
the big question should have changed everything for the both of them in the best way possible, but instead the ring on her finger seeped poison that shifted their entire lives.
it wasn't like him to nitpick her efforts around the house, and for his satisfaction. it was frustrating for her to feel like she couldn't do anything right, and her mind started getting darker. not long after, he suggested she not go to therapy as often, commencing his efforts for control.
with therapy dwindling from her life, the next thing to go was her job. celine's control of her own life began slipping from her hands, but she prioritized nicholas over herself falling straight into his trap. her money really became his money, and that meant she had tangled herself in a knot that could not be untied, only cut.
celine had never imagined herself in the position she found herself in, no one did. she couldn't prepare herself for the first time his hand touched her skin in the name of fury. it was like jumping into water colder than the air around her; a wake up call that kept her in a nightmare. but according to her, the nightmare was herself because the blame fell on her, when it could only be placed on nicholas.
her mind became a very loud place, his shouting from previous encounters replaying and haunting her when she closed her eyes. she began losing sleep over the thoughts that ran through her head.
with each memory of his hands tightly wound around her arm escaped through the tears that fell. the times he would shake her violently because he was frustrated with himself left her mind with the shaking of her head while she stuffed her most reasonably important items in the duffel bag.
she had twenty minutes before everything was set to be left behind, so celine composed herself and listened for the silence.
