Revelations

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Andrew

It started out being so casual, that I guess I didn't realize what was happening. All of the pointless weekend trips, the days we spent at Shane's doing nothing, me being sad when I didn't see him. I never realized how I felt until I realized that he wasn't mine, and then I got mad. I got really mad that he wasn't mine, but how could I be mad?

This doesn't make any fucking sense. You're not gay. And I wasn't. It's not that I didn't want to be gay, in some cases, it felt like it would solve all my problems.

"You're a fucking idiot."

"What?" Oops. I'd forgotten where I was, something I'd seemed to be doing a lot of recently. I stood up quickly, knowing that I needed to leave before my mood carried over into the day. The last thing I needed was for Garrett to be worried about me. I fake a smile quickly and try to think of something to say.

"Nothing... I gotta go. I promised Nick I'd help him move his couch." What even? I don't give him a chance to speak, I wave goodbye and leave as fast as I can.

Once I reach the car I feel myself decompress and the anger returning.

"FUCK!" I slam my hands on the steering wheel.

"Whoa."

Oops.

I look to my left, there stands a surprised Shane.

"Oh. Hey."

"You good?"

"Yeah."

"Andrew."

"I'm good, Shane." I avoid making eye contact with him, he would read me like a book. He'd know I was upset.

"You're not looking at me."

"I'm good." I stare at the steering wheel for a second and then begin to put the car in reverse. He wouldn't say anything, and I knew he wouldn't.

"See you later?"

"Yup." I pull out of the driveway and make my way home.

I should've known that once I got home that I'd have multiple texts from Garrett, and a message from Shane. I hang my coat, toss my keys on the table and grab a beer from the fridge. It was only three pm, but I had never wanted anything more. I open it and take a long drink before I even glance at my messages. I sit down, leaning back into the couch that of course, Shane got me. At least it wasn't a Garrett gift, I thought as I close my eyes. What even was I feeling? Anger? Sadness? Confusion? All of the above. What the hell had I gotten myself into? I was fine a week ago, and now all of a sudden all of these emotions and feelings are clouding my judgment. What changed? What happened?

"HEY! You left so suddenly (weird) um anyways! Are you still coming to see the house later? Just need to know, I'm kinda gonna film you coming since you haven't seen it yet!! Excited! Just uh let me know?" - Garrett

"Also!!!! There will be snacks! Okay.. there will be cheezits and diet coke. Your favorite!! OKay... My favorite.." - Garrett

"Are you okay???" - Garrett

"Hey... just wanted to check in, make sure you got home safe. Are you sure you're okay? You seemed really upset today in the driveway... Are you coming to Garretts tonight? He wants to surprise you, so you need to tell him if you're coming or not... Text me back so I know you're home safe." - Shane

I decide to text Shane back first.

"Made it home safe. I'm good, just have some things that I'm trying to figure out. I don't know about Garrett's yet, I will let him know."

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