Please don't fall (Shawmila)

13

Camila's POV

We were now sitting on my bed with my laptop between us, watching a movie. The movie unfortunately wasn't what I wanted. Don't get me wrong. I watch every movie and I don't really mind wich movie I watch but this was not really what I could take right now. Lauren chose the Movie and it was a documentary about different types of abuses, so of course there was sexual abuse too. I know Lauren loves documentaries because she likes to be informed and I totally accept that but at that moment I couldn't watch this without having flashbacks in my head. She didn't know what happened and I didn't wanted her to know now or at least it was too soon to tell her.

The documentary started with digital abuse or cyber bullying. I was already on the verge of tears. This was exactly what was happening to me right now.But I could hold my tears in for the first part of the documentary. Honestly it was very interesting but I felt every single thing. Lauren was glued to the screen of my laptop so she didn't notice me, struggling with my tears. The next part of the movie was about Verbal/ Emotional Abuse. this wasn't exactly happening to me. I don't take the other girls calling me slow or sometimes yelling at me as Verbal/ Emotional abuse. But I had experienced it when I used to be in High school. I used to experience it as bullying. And then the documentary came to the part I hoped would not come. The sexual abuse. It started to explain what it was and what to do. There was also explained the difference between rape and attempted rape and my cause was definitely rape. It wasn't an attempt, it was actual rape and that was when my tears kicked in. I wiped them away quickly and stood up to go to the bathroom to let the part of rape pass because I couldn't see any more of it. Lauren saw my attempt on going unnoticed and paused the documentary. "Where are you going?" "Just to the bathroom." I said quickly. "Oh ok, I'm going to pause the movie then." That was exactly what I didn't wanted. "No you can continue it." "No, I don't want you to miss such an important part. We all should be informed about rape. It's like the worst thing that could happen to any of us." Oh god....the tears. I should have watched something like that before going on tour. The rape could have been prevented, but my dumbass wasn't informed about anything. I let out a small sob but Lauren immediately noticed. "Camz? What's up? Are you feeling sick to your stomach again?" I should really tell her. I can't keep this anymore. I need someone to help me. And I think Lauren was the perfect person for that. But what if she would tell it to anyone? They would call me weak for not defending myself and who says that Lauren wouldn't call me weak? Especially after seeing this documentary. "Camz?" I looked up, not wanting to hide my tears anymore. I just walked toward her to hug her. 'Please just accept my hug. Please hug me back' were my thoughts. She was shocked at my sudden reaction but immediately hugged back, luckily. I let my tears fall and she soothed me. She patted my back and whispered in my ear "It's ok camz. Whatever is bothering you. It's going to be okay toon." But I know it wasn't going to be ok soon. So I shook my face. "Do you want to tell me what is bothering you?" she asked carefully. I pulled myself out of her hug and nodded. She pushed the Laptop to the side so I could sit next to her and I sat down. Before I started to talk I wiped away the tears with my sleeves. The right sleeve slightly rolled down and Lauren looked at my wrist. "Omg, what happened to your wrist??"She said shocked and took my arm to have a better look at the injury the man had given me a few hours ago. I prepared myself for another breakdown and searched for the words carefully before starting to talk.

"So.. you know when you were searching for me right?" She nodded, still holding my wrist in her hand and stroking the injury without putting pressure on it. "I told you I went for a walk but I didn't..." She was now looking at me with an confusing expression. "I went down because I wanted to smoke and you and the girls were just next door so I figured it would be a better idea to go downstair so no one would see me smoking..." I made a small pause. "I of course didn't stay in front of the hotel where everyone could see me so I walked around the building to find. more private place and I actually did found one in an empty alley...." Lauren started at my wrist, clearly not knowing what to say. "It was empty for a few minutes but then a man appeared behind me. " My hands were now shaking slightly because I now had to tell her about the bad part. "He...he grabbed my wrist when I wanted to walk back to the hotel. He obviously grabbed it... a little.... harder." I said, pausing because I couldn't build a whole sentence and looked down to my hurt wrist. "A stranger did that to you? We need to tell-" "No... I'm not done." I interrupted her. "He at first just grabbed my wrist... but he...he then...he grabbed......my butt." Lauren gasped at the new information. "He squeezed it..." I was so uncomfortable talking about this. But I couldn't stop now. Otherwise I would change my mind and just keep it to myself again. "He started..t-touching me....he touched me Lauren." I was now shaking harder. I couldn't hold back the tears. "H-he touched me....an-nd he di-didn't stop....I tried to...walk away, s-screaming for help. B-but he was to... strong." another pause. I was trembling but I tried holding it together. I hadn't looked at Lauren til now and I still couldn't. "An-and when you ca-calle.....he smashed my phone." I took my phone out of my hoodie pocket at gave it to her. She took it and I continued talking."You know what h-he did ne-next?" I wasn't waiting for a response from Lauren. it was more of a question to myself. "....he touched me... under my sweather..." I felt a tear on my hand. I probably looked horrible but I couldn't care less at the moment. Lauren stayed quiet the whole time. "Even... my most...intimate part...." I now felt movements from the girl in front of me. I looked up and I saw a tear on her face and she was shaking her head. "H-he didn't....." she said and I knew what she was talking about. "he did.... and I was to weak to defend myself.....I-I couldn't do anything....i-it happened so fast..... H-he was the first one to touch those parts..." I let out a heavy sob. "I-I couldn't do anything...and before I could even react....he was gone...and I laid on the floor....in pain...and scared." A light sob escaped Laurens lips. "He... he raped you camz...." she said in disbelief. "He did..." I said, not believing it myself. He really did it. "And...I...I was to we-weak to do anything...." Silence..'I couldn't defend myself.... I'm so freaking weak...' "You're not weak Camz...."Lauren spoke quietly. "You were shocked...." I was in fact shocked...I still am.. It took me a few minutes to realize that Lauren was hugging me, for probably the 100th time today. She was holding me so tight.... her head buried in my neck and strocking my back carefully. My head was also in her neck but I was numb now....The only thing I felt was the pain where he had touched me and the hot tears streaming down my face. "Let's sleep... you need it." Lauren said in a soft but hurt voice. I did that to her. It was my fault she was hurt.

I got my sweatpants and another hoodie to put on and didn't bother to go to the bathroom to change. A stranger had seen me naked, why should Lauren not? So I pushed the Hoodie over my head and then I heard Lauren gasp again.

"Your back....and you are so skinny..." she said. I made my way to the mirror that was in the room and turned around so my back was turned towards the mirror and my belly to Lauren. I noticed Lauren look skeptically at my body but turned to look at my back in the mirror and it didn't take long until Lauren was standing next to me, to have a full sight of my bare back. My back was purple, it was a huge purple bruise that was spread across my back. I touched it lightly and flinched at the contact because it hurt. Great... Lauren was also looking at my back. "We should put lotion on your back." she sight and left the room. I took the opportunity to look at the front of my body. I was in fact skinnier but it didn't bother me, I was liking it. It could be a bit more though. I looked down to my belly and grabbed it. there was still a lot of fat. I should lose it too. Lauren noticed so that was a progress.

I took of my hoodie and slid on another one and did the same with my pants. Just when I was done the door opened again and there was Lauren also with a new sweater, sweatpants and a lotion in her hand. She came in and put the lotion on the table. "So should I help you put the lotion on your back?" I nodded embarrassed because I couldn't do it by myself. "Hey, it's ok to need help camz. You are hurt, of course you need help." She said reassuringly and taking the tube into her hand before pouring some of the content onto her hand. "Lay down on your bed? I think it's easier to put it on then. I started walking, forgetting the pain I had between my legs and gasping when I felt it again. I groaned in pain and limped to the bed. Lauren watched me but didn't say anything, she couldn't do anything anyways.

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I felt generous today so here's another Update!
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