Please don't fall (Shawmila)

52

Shawn's POV

I woke up around 8am. I sat up in bed and looked over to Mila's side where she was sleeping. I hadn't forgotten about the talk I had with Lauren yesterday. How can her best friend betray her like that? Her trust... her friendship... everything. Of ouse I'm worried. I wish I could have gone on tour with her earlier but I was on tour myself. I leaned over to give Mila a kiss and immediately get the sweat on her face. She still had a fever. I gave her a soft kiss on her lips. I noticed that her blanket wasn't covering her completely so I grabbed it and brushed her hand in the progress. Her hand was ice cold which shocked me bit because she had a sweater and leggings on. I pulled her blanket up to her chin. I then walked outside and noticed that my door to the roof was open. I walked up the stairs and pushed the door close again, noticing a paper laying on the top stair. I picked it up and immediately recognized her hand writing. It was a paper from her note book. I didn't know if it was a good idea to read it but I unfold the paper anyways completely. It was a page like out of a diary. I didn't want to read it completely so I just scanned it. But already the first line caught my eye. 'I don't deserve to be alive. I never did.' No... no, no ,no. Mila don't fucking think that, was my first thought. How could she ever this something like that? I need to make sure that she feels loved, wanted, worth it. She means everything to me. I hadn't noticed the tears but when I did, I quickly brushed them away. I fold the note again and put it in the pocket of my shorts. How could she think like that. I walked into the kitchen. I needed to make this day perfect. I had something planned but I decided to change my plans. Today was special day for me. I hope I could make Mila happy.

I prepared a tray with different kinds of foods , of course soft food which she was able to eat. I had also prepared a blanket and some pillows so we could be comfortable up there. I had planned on a day on the roof. I hope she likes that. I brought the blankets and pillows up, spreading it out and making it look comfortable enough to spend a whole day up there. I also had prepared enough food and had it in a basket. I also had put my guitar up there to play her some songs and hopefully make her feel better. When I thought everything was perfect, I walked back inside and into the bedroom.

She was still sleeping but not peacefully. She was moving and mumbling something and looked like she was having a nightmare. I quickly walked to her side and started shaking her. I could now also see tears escaping from her eyes. I shook her a little harder which caused her to talk a little louder. "Please stop" she whimpered. I need her to wake up. "I know..." What? Mila just wake up please. She tossed again before she shot up in her bed. "Don't hurt me.... again." She cried, putting her arms around her body in act of protecting herself from something. "Please don't..." She whispered agin. I immediately put my arms around her which caused her to flinch so I backed away. "Mila, it's me.... Shawn." I whispered calmly. "It's only me..." I said again. Her breathing was uneven and she was looking down to her hands. She was having a panic attack. She was now shaking and sobbing. I knew it was difficult to calm down now and I also knew it wasn't safe to touch her right now. I I just stayed by her side, trying to calm her down with words. I whispered reassuring words and tried to make clear that I wasn't going to hurt her in any way. After a few minutes she looked up into my eyes and it hurt me what I saw. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying... but not just from crying right now... she must've been crying before... She had circles under her eyes and her face was tear wet. "Mila?" She nodded a bit. She had calmed down a bit but I could tell she was still shaken up I could tell. "Talk to me please. What was that? You scared me." I said to her. "I-I don't...." She couldn't get her words out so she started crying again. Probably out of frustration. "Hey... hey... it's ok. You don't need to talk to me right now... just.... sometimes... please." She nodded, understanding. "Come, I'll help you clean yourself up." She took my hand and started standing up slowly. She wasn't ver steady on her legs so I held her with both my hands. I was heartbroken for her. Who hurt her? Who hurt her so bad that she had nightmares about it... ?

I lead her to my bathroom and picked her up and sat her down next to the sink. "Here." I said as I gave her her toothbrush with some toothpaste which we had unpacked yesterday. She grabbed it and brushed her teeth. I did the same. After we were done brushing out teeth, I told her to show me her arms. I had taken off her sweater earlier in bed when I noticed that she was sweating so her arms were exposed. She stretched her arms towards me and I cringed at the sight of her stitched arms. It really hurt my heart what she was going through.

I pulled out the things I needed to clean her cuts and started. I was careful not to hurt her since the cuts were pretty deep and fresh. After cleaning the cuts I made a step towards her and gave her a kiss which she reciprocated very weakly. I then picked her up again and lead her back to my bedroom...our bedroom. "What do you want to wear? Are you hot or cold?" I asked her. I noticed she was sweating so I pulled out some sweat pants and a shirt from her suitcase. Since I wasn't sure if she would be getting hot again I also pulled out a jacket of mine. It was very big on her but she looked super cute in it. I let her change in my room and stepped into the bathroom to change myself. When I walked back inside I smiled at the sight of her, sitting on the bed and waiting for me. I walked towards her, pulling her up with my hand and leading her to the living room. I was ready to make her feel better now.

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This chapter hurt me a bit.