Suck It, Right?

2. F R I E N D S

It's funny how everyone suddenly notices you when you are dressed differently.

The people who have never noticed you say hi. The friends that never cared or were there for you suddenly make an effort. The person who has asked for your name within the span of four minutes after you gave it is suddenly making a very visible effort to try and remember it. All of a sudden the very people you watched from a far notice you.

Except for the people at the top of the social hierarchy. They still don't notice you, not even if you're standing right in front of them. They talk to everyone else as if you're not there. They can't be bothered with saying a simple hello to someone who is beneath them and not part of their social circle. They talk to the person on the other side of you over your head - without as much as a quick look down at you to acknowledge your presence.

But you start a conversation with the people who originally said hi to you and before you know it, you're having a blast. By the end of the night they're calling you their friend.

But is it worth it? Being friends with someone who only noticed you when you weren't being yourself? When it is put like that the answer is obviously no. But what if there's a small part of you thats worried that they might've been the perfect best friend but you locked them out before you could give them a chance? That they could've helped you and been there for you but you just...didn't.

But it's better this way because friendships that start out like that don't last. Never. Eventually its a relationship where you occasionally say hi to and make small talk. They're not there for you because they have obligations and friends that were made long before you.

And I know because I've walked down this road before. And I'm not saying this out of fear to protect myself because I know this for a fact. One day you decide to tell them your deepest secret, or the thing that made you you. Afterwards all that's left of your "friendship" is a person who now treats you like china and send you pitiful glances.

All you want to do is shout out: I'm okay! I'm strong, I know I sounded weak and small but I'm not! Please be here for me and don't treat me like broken glass! Don't walk out on me, be different. Don't be like everyone else.

Eventually you stop. Everything you did with or for them because they can't really look you in the eye anymore. Not without wondering if you're really okay or just saying that. Then they only stay out of duty. A duty to help their "friend".

But you never give up. There's still that hope at the bottom of your heart that's just waiting for them to come back to you and apologize for ever leaving you. After a long time even that fades.

It is much better to let people assume who are than become injured trying to make them understand.