Aromantic

Frustration

I've said before that I doubt myself sometimes, but almost every single time afterwards I find some telling piece of evidence that I'm very aro and I get frustrated at the fact that I keep worrying for nothing.

In my physics class I sit next to a cute guy. I keep wondering if it'd be possible to develop a crush on him, and once, while I pondered this, I felt something! Wow! A positive feeling for someone automatically equals a crush on them, right?!

At that moment, I wondered if I was faking, and I stressed out. During this time, my physics teacher wrote something on the whiteboard and her handwriting was so aesthetic that I had the exact same feeling that I had looking at the cute guy, which means that I probably didn't have a crush on him (or on the handwriting). Aesthetic attraction is super weird.

In hindsight, it's a little bit funny that I confuse positive feelings with romantic attraction, but in the moment it's just stressful. It's like that "Is this a pigeon" meme that I'm pretty sure died a couple weeks ago.

I've come out to a lot of my friends by now, so I'm past the main chunk of explaining. Once in a while I still have to remind them that I'm aro, or I have to re-explain a concept.

A couple weeks ago, my friend asked me if I had a crush on anybody, and I just stared at her until she remembered.

A couple days ago, I was asking another friend if she wanted my extra ticket to the school dance, and she said, "Just get a date." 

I put up my hands in a 'what the hell' pose until she remembered.

I have the aro flag in my locker at school, and people keep asking what it is. On the one hand, I'm glad it's lesser known because it means that I can blatantly wear aro colors and merch without being outed, but on the other hand, it's frustrating, having to explain. Someone pointed to my aro flag and asked, "Is that the ace flag?"