20. First Nightmare || #GoyoAngstStories

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Ever since Goyo was born, Julian knew that he would do everything he can in order to ensure that his little brother will have the convenience and happiness that he deserved. He was the one who always reached out a hand when Goyo needs it, and in times of war, they surely only have one another to depend on. Especially when the long-road running of despair finally found Goyo as its victim.

* * *

Julian, despite the tiredness of his body, had been fighting off his own fatigue. He knew that there wasn't any time to grieve, but in the silence and on how they were gathered now, perhaps he could do so at this place. After all, he couldn't let himself to sleep; now that Goyo was resting.

The del Pilar brothers, whenever they were wary of their safety, depended their lives with each other alone. The very reason that only one could sleep at a time given that someone was to serve as the watch. And being the older one, he volunteered to do so for his younger brother.

He almost lost Goyo, after all. It had been sheer luck that it had just been a graze on the forehead alone. He surely wouldn't survived it if Goyo had died while he was next to him, or even seeing him dying with his own eyes.

He reached out to brush away the strands of hair that were on his brother's forehead. The bandage was dirty, but what to expect when both of them had been filled with filth? He looked on at the deep creased of his brother's brows, the sharpness of his breathing and the sweat.

He frowned in worry, calling tenderly as if to shake the other awake, "Goyong."

His younger brother immediately woke up, eyes wide and his shaking hand holding close around his wrist in fear. He was white as a sheet as if he had seen a ghost. He was trembling, and it broke his heart how evident it was that the trauma of war was catching up with his brother. He was afraid that it would steal the smile, laughter, and tenderness; just as the innocence was already gone due to the latest war.

It took his brother a few seconds before easing and said, "Kuya..." The grip around his wrist loosened and he watched helplessly as the younger del Pilar pressed his palm against his face as if to hide away. "Di naman ako..."

Julian bit his lower lip. "Umuungol ka kanina. Mukhang isang masamang panaginip. Ayos ka lang ba?"

Goyo pressed his other hand to his face as well. Sighing heavily, he answered, "Sadyang masamang panaginip nga." He lowered his hands. "Pasensya na, Kuya."

"Ayos lang, Goyong." He smiled softly as he shuffled his younger brother's greasy and rumpled hair. "Tungkol saan ba?"

The younger del Pilar bit his lower lip and lowered his eyes. "Yung digmaan kanina. Paano kung..." He sighed heavily. "Napanaginipan ko... paano kung talagang natamaan ako ng bala?"

Julian shuddered. A million thoughts evaded his mind, but he could only shiver at the mere idea that his younger brother was haunted by that possibility.

"Anong mangyayari?" Goyo continued. "Magagawa ko bang maramdaman iyon? Yung masasaktan ka pa muna bago ka mamatay? Di ba pwede na biglaan na lang at tapos na kaagad kesa maghirap pa? Masakit isipin na may posibilidad siyang mangyari. Tapos, ang masakit pa doon..." He closed his eyes as he sighed. Opening them again, he looked at him, "Ang pinakamasakit pa ay ang makita ko sa panaginip ko... kung paano mo sinisisi ang sarili mo, Kuya."

"Goyong..." Julian reached out to close his hands around his younger brother's. "Alam mo na di ko hahayaang mangyari iyon sa iyo habang ako ay nasa tabi mo. Di ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kapag ganon."

Julian suddenly remembered his promise to their parents. That he would be with Goyo at all times. That he would do anything for him. That he would steady his aim if he was shaking. That he would lead him back to safety if he was in danger. That he would remind him who he was if he was lost. That he would take the bullet for him if his life must be sacrificed. He promised that he would be that beacon of light-that hand-to guide Goyo home.

"Kuya..." Goyo mumbled.

He reached out to shuffle his younger brother's hair another time with a small smile. "Matulog ka na nga ulit. Mauubos ang oras mo para magpahinga."

"Ikaw na, Kuya. Nagising na ako. 'Di ko alam kung magagawa ko pang makatulog ulit..."

"Babarilin ko yung mga panaginip na iyon kapag lumapit ulit sila. Kaya... pilitin mo na makatulog ulit. Kailangan mo magpahinga."

Goyo reluctantly laid down again. This time, holding on to his brother's hand as his life line. After all, that was Julian. His anchor. He smiled softly. "Gisingin mo ako kapag oras mo na para matulog, Kuya."

"Oo, Goyong," he assured.

A few seconds later, the younger del Pilar was back to the realm of sleep. This time, calm and steady. The frown no longer present as he continued holding on to his hand.

Julian fought his own fatigue, even until daybreak, giving the rest of the night's sleep to his beloved younger brother. He leaned closer to press his lips to Goyo's forehead, mumbling, "Goyong, tandaan mo, laging nandito lang si Kuya."

* * *

A/N: Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)

A/N: See "DEAD RECKONING", a Goyo x Reader story.

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