chaotic ↬ t.holland UNDER EDITING

34 : real life

maddie was fast asleep in a coma, her heart monitor beeping in time with her heartbeat. tom sat by her side, clutching her cold hand. he'd been there ever since she'd been admitted into the hospital three days ago. he looked terrible.

the bags under his eyes showed how weary he really was, the dirty and dishevelled clothes he was wearing were stained with blood, and his eyes were bloodshot from shedding so many tears. he was a mess.

lucy and adam had just left to sleep, shower and get some clean clothes. various mcu superheroes had come and gone. tom had stayed by maddie's bedside throughout it all. he was distraught and exhausted, and multiple people had tried to convince him to go home, but it was no use. tom would stay with maddie either until she woke up or until she—no, that wasn't even a possibility. maddie was a fighter. she wouldn't die, she couldn't die. she couldn't leave tom behind.  

...

robert came into the room, carrying a cup of takeaway coffee. tom didn't even notice downey walk through the door,  too lost in his thoughts. It was only when robert cleared his throat did tom look up.

'hey, kid,' he spoke, handing over the coffee, 'how are you doing?'

when tom didn't reply, only looked down at his hands, robert saw what really was the problem. the emotions that tom was feeling were all over the place. sadness about maddie being hurt, anger about matthew being responsible, confusion about why would anyone do this to maddie. But rob could see another one filling tom's eyes, a different one to the others. guilt. tom believed that it was his fault that maddie was in the hospital.

'tom,' downey started. 'this was not your fault.'

'but it is, rob,' tom protested. 'this is all my fault. if i had gotten there sooner, or if i had seen the signs, or if I had even told maddie that something about matthew didn't feel right, maybe I could have prevented this. maddie wouldn't be in hospital, fighting for her life.'

'tom, there was nothing you could've done,' robert tried to explain. 'matthew was twisted and evil, yes, and i know that maddie would have got out if she could have, but she couldn't. that's the problem. and in some ways, it's good that she didn't try and get out."

tom went to protest, but Robert held up a hand.

"let me finish. if maddie has tried to get out of it, matt could have, and probably would have, killed her. to be honest, if we hadn't shown up, she probably would have. by helping her today, by kicking down that door, you saved her life, tom. and that's all that matters. that she is alive now."

these words cracked the facade that tom had created. he broke down in tears, all the stress, guilt, anger and sadness he had built up over the last few days pouring out.

'i just want her to get better,' he said between sobs.

'we all do, buddy,' robert said, embracing the crying younger man. 'we all do.'

...

robert had left two hours ago, after calming down a hysterical tom. the 22-year-old was still by maddie's side, and he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

after a while, he started speaking to the unconscious girl.

'maddie, i don't know if you can hear me or not,' tom began, 'but i want you to know that i'm here for you. if you want to keep fighting, i'll be right by your side, and if you don't, well, i'll be there every step of the way.
you are my best friend, maddie. i don't know if i can lose you. i know for sure that lucy and adam can't lose you. if you leave them too, they'll have nothing left to live for. i can see it in their eyes. so if you can't fight it for me, fight it for them.
they need you, mads. We all do. downey, evans, hemsy, they all need you. i need you.' tom's voice cracked. 'please. come back to me. i need my best friend back.'

tears filled his eyes once again, and tom began to wonder when the last time he'd cried this much was. the answer was never.

then, out of the blue, the cold hand in his grasp squeezed back.

'ah, thomas,' a soft voice said. 'you always were cheesy.'

tom's head shot up to meet the beautiful blue eyes of his best friend.

'maddie!' he shouted, throwing his arms around her.

'woah, easy there, tiger. i'm still fragile.'

tom pulled back, a smile stretching from ear to ear. then his face became stern.
'don't you ever—ever—scare me like that again, madison.'

'i like cheesy tom better. bring back cheesy tom,' maddie chuckled, which then turned into a coughing fit, which then turned into a grimace from the pain in her stomach.

'no, don't move,' tom said. 'doctors orders.'

'well, hey,' maddie replied, a devilish grin on her face. 'at least i missed out on the needle.'

tom's face broke into a smile once again. 'are you serious? do you know how many needles you have in you right now?' he laughed.

maddie's facial expression quickly became horrified and she immediately tried to take out the needles.

'no, no, no, no,' tom protested, grabbing at maddie's hands and pinning them at her side. 'shit, i shouldn't have told you that.'

it was then when they both noticed how close they were. tom was leaning over maddie, looking right into her eyes. he could see every freckle, every blemish, every bruise. maddie could feel tom's hot breath on her skin. she could see the flecks of gold in his chocolate brown eyes. they had been close before, but this time it felt different.

because then tom kissed her.