In Love With My Not So Twin Brother

Undecided

"No, I don't say it often
And I probably should’ve told you I hurt this bad, I know
And I probably shouldn't want this so bad
It's weighing, weighing on me
Don’t wanna wake up in the mornin'
Cannot undo what we did in this bed
And I can't get you out, so I gotta go
No, I'm not ready for, you want me all alone"
Undecided By Chris Brown
Laying here in my bed not feeling any need to leave my room ever in my life again.  He smacked me and now my face is bruised.  Why me...why couldn't I just stay to myself? No, why does he have to be such a bitch?  I mean...I don't even see why he's so jealous. He's just my brother -twin brother at that-.  Before I could continue my thoughts my phone starts ringing.  Pushing the thought of my brother and I to the back of my head, I answer the phone with a small huff.  "Hey baby...what's wrong", Jay'ar asks referring to my cracking voice.  "N-nothing baby", I say before sniffling due to my stuffy nose.  "Are you sure baby", he asks curiously. "Yes baby...wassup", I say while looking down at my fingers. "Well I was wondering if I could come over and spend the night", he says making me pause for a good two minutes, sceptical about letting him come over. "Umm...yea baby", I say while getting up from my bed trying to find a quick way to hide my bruised cheek. "Okay baby, I love you", he says before I say it back and hang up. Cries at the sight of my bruised cheek. I'm still confused as to why he's so pressed considering the fact he's my brother. Seconds later, I'm interrupted by Alex's knocking at my room door. I open the door only to see him standing there with roses and a big box of chocolates. "Lani, I'm so sorry for hitting you.... I didn't mean it at all, I let that moment of you kissing him get the best of me. I didn't mean to hit my sister....my baby girl. It just hurts me seeing you around him. If you don't forgive me and you don't wanna talk to me anymore then I understand, but I at least want you to know I'm sorry", he says before hugging me tightly and kisses my bruised cheek relieving the pain. I feel a tear drop down my cheek realizing I can't keep this secret from Ja'yar forever; even worse my parents. Moments later, the doorbell sounds signaling Jay'ars' presence. I make my way downstairs seeing Alex sitting in the kitchen eating what I believe may be a burger. I walk over to the door opening it for Jay'ar feeling my stomach bubbling. "Baby what happened to your face", he says while looking at me. "My brother and I got into a little misunderstanding again", I say truthfully due to the fact we fight often. "Ohh... well he needs to keep his damn hands off of you", he says before I feel my heart drop. "Baby let's just go upstairs", I emphasize watching him look over at Alex with an intimidating face, Alex briefly shooting him one right back.  Jay'ar and I sit in my room cuddling and watching 13 Cameras on Netflix. My head begins to hurt, excruciating pains pounding the inside of my head from left to right. "Mmm Jay", I whimper making him pick me up asking what's wrong. "My h-head h-hurts", I say before my vision goes blurry and I pass out. Hours later, I wake up to my father, Alex, and Jay'ar sitting around the hospital bedroom sleeping. My mother being the only one awake. "Mommy", I whine. My mother's head turns toward me with no hesitation. "Baby what happened....the doctor said you suffered a traumatic migraine which could have led to something much worse...",she says hugging me tightly. "Alex and I were fighting again. I'm gonna be okay, right?", I question before she nods her head. I look over at Alex making him smirk at me and lick his lips. I return the favor with a small unsure smile. So many questions run through my head at once, only one actually occurring to me.  Why did I lie for him, considering the fact I could have been lying here in a coma?
Just why?
*Later That Day*
I make my way downstairs in my Cookie Monster pajamas, my mother's voice ringing in my ear. It appears that she's yelling at Alex again. He looks over at me, his eyes appearing with hurt. I look into his with hurt in mine breifly, before making my way into the kitchen. My mood quickly changes when I see a vase of red and white roses sitting up on the kitchen counter. "These are yours Lovebug. Jay'ar asked me to give them to you because he had to go home", he says handing me the vase. A smile spreading across my face, while I read the breath-taking card inside. I retrieve a bottle of Sprite from the fridge and my vase of flowers before going back upstairs. There I lie across my bed, thinking about the things that have been taking place these last few days. I'm honestly unsure if I want to continue being with Jay'ar , but I'm also unsure if continuing this "love affair" with Alex would be right for me.
I'm undecided.