TRIGGER WARNING: DONT READ THIS FIC IF YOU GET TRIGGERED AT ALL
-Dean POV-
I stopped feeling a while ago... Well, I still feel pain. Pain is the only thing that keeps me alive. It might sound stupid but... Feeling nothing hurts a lot more than being sad.
I started hurting myself when mom left.
She left when I was 15... Said she couldn't take John's abuse anymore... didn't even think twice before packing up her bags and leaving, leaving Sammy and I here with an abusive, homophobic asshole.
I haven't forgiven her, nor do I want to... I'm 18 now, just finished high school but still living at home.
Which dad isn't happy about.
I started working part time at my uncle Bobby's shop to try to save up to rent an apartment or something but I barely make enough to live. Dad stopped paying for my food and giving me rides places when I turned 18...
He also hates that I prefer playing piano over sports. He tried to force me to play football in high school but I convinced him I was gonna focus on working at Bobby's shop and my academics.
In reality, I fucking hate sports. I can barely get out of bed, let alone run around a field with a fucking ball.
He calls me a 'sissy faggot' for preferring singing and making music, an art, over running around with (sometimes) attractive men and tackling them to play with a ball.
It makes it worse because I'm gay.
Super duper fucking gay.
Which doesn't matter because I'll never find love. I'm ugly and fat. Nobody would ever want me. I don't even shower most of the time because I can't get out of bed.
I don't sleep, the bags under my eyes prove that. I overeat because its the only thing that makes me feel better.
No man in their right mind would ever want someone like me. Someone struggling. Someone hopeless.
One guy- Azazel demonè, proved that to me when I was a junior in high school. He made a bet with his friends that he could get me to kiss him before the end of the year.
I- of course- didn't know that and bought into it, I thought he actually liked me. The way his brown eyes ran over my (now fat) hips, his smirk when he'd talk dirty to me.
After a few weeks of thinking he actually liked me we kissed and he then proceed to tell the entire school I was gay and to stay away from me.
He took my first kiss from me for a bet, I'm just glad he didn't make a bet to sleep with me or may have attempted a long time ago..
I lost my only friend and someone I thought cared for me.
People would write faggot on my locker in permanent marker, push me onto the ground, bump into me when walking by on purpose, and do whatever else their tiny minds could think of to torment me.
At one point Azazel and his friends beat me black and blue and I couldn't tell anymore in risk of my dad finding out I was gay...
I told him I got in a fight over a girl I had a crush on from my fifth period English class.
He bought it at the time.
After high school I thought I finally escaped the torment, but apparently people just don't grow up.
Living in a small town in Kansas is rough, especially when everyone is homophobic and you're gay as hell.
Sometime they still throw eggs at my house and scream 'faggot!' before driving away... Usually my dad's at work during the day so he doesn't hear it but I know if he ever does it'll be all over for me.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
The Piano Man (Destiel)
फैनफिक्शनDean is a new patient at crossroads institution after trying to take his own life, Castiel is a therapist assigned to his case.
