Things Are Different

Chapter 30: i'm coming out

"Hey!" My mom hugged me as soon as she got in the car. Trevante and my grandmother headed into the penthouse, greeting her on their way in.

"Hey Mom!" I smiled holding our embrace a little longer. "How's your day been. I heard your interview with Angie that was so sweet of you to say." She cheesed as she let the driver know we were ready to go. "It was good, none of the interviewers were annoying like I thought they would be. And I got to meet some fans everywhere I went today so I'm in good spirits." I answered with a smile.

"That's good! Lovely said you wanted a private dinner?" She rose her eyebrow. I sighed nodding. "Yeah, I feel like I shut you out a lot and I don't mean to so I want to just lay everything out with you so there aren't anymore secrets." I scratched the top of my head anxiously.

"Okay, and everything I mean everything Noel. Don't leave anything out." She squeezed my hand. "I promise." I smiled small.

//

"Just two waters please." My mom told the waiter. "Can you add lemon too." I told him. "Right up." He wrote it down and exited the room. Lovely got us a private dining room separate for the whole restaurant. I didn't really mind the show cameras there though because I needed to get everything out and I actually want people to see this part of me.

"So I have a question for you." She grabbed my attention. "Go ahead." I relaxed in my seat. "Do you think of me as a good mother? Besides loving me unconditionally do you wish you had better support from me growing up?" She asked. I shook my head.

"You're the best mom I could have. You were young when you had me and a lot was going on while I was younger. Then Papa died and I couldn't have asked you to be there when he was your dad too. Then the sextape and Reggie, there isn't anything I blame you for because shit happens." I explained.

"Mom, everything that I've gone through has made me stronger. I just want to tell you everything so we're back on the same page." I said as the waiter came back with our waters.

"Would you like to order?" He asked. "Yes, can we both get the chicken alfredo." She handed him our menus. "Yes ma'm." He smiled writing on his pad and grabbing the menus. "I'll be back shortly." He said exiting again.

"Um.. I guess I'll start by saying that when Papa died I didn't know how to deal with it. I mean I knew he was dying but I thought he was going to get better then he didn't." I paused. "Everyone was trying to help but there wasn't really anything anyone could do to make me feel better. I had just lost my best friend you know?" I cleared my throat.

"I never wanted you to go through that. I noticed you holing yourself off in your room but I didn't think anything of it but now I know I should have checked on you more." She said softly. I sighed. "Cutting myself brought me peace in the middle of the madness. I knew after a few months that it was dangerous but I became addicted to it." I sniffled feeling myself getting emotional.

"One day I was over Lovely's and I had just got back from school. It was such a hard day for me that day and I just started cutting everywhere on my body. On my legs and my arms but I cut way too much and I was slowly dying on her bathroom floor. At least that's what it felt like. Nobody was home yet so I couldn't call out to anyone. So I sat for about thirty minutes when Ken and Kyl came home. I yelled for them until they got upstairs. I still hate that I put them through that to this day. Her and Kyls took me to the hospital with the help of some of the producers we got there in time. That is also the first time Damian came out. He didn't trust anyone besides Kylie and Kendall and wouldn't talk to anyone except them." I rattled off. "

I had enough money saved up to cover all of the cost I just had to see my school counselor which is why I stayed for school later that year and why you never found out." I told her in full.