Beyond my Beating Heart

Chapter Twenty Four: In Realization

Play "All Around Me" by Flyleaf for this chapter!

***

After nearly two hours and about a thousand wrong turns, we eventually reach our desired neighborhood. The one that occupies my father. Jett and I had come to a mutual agreement and concluded that he was definitely not ready to visit Anthony's parents first.

"Are you sure about this June? I mean, we can just go to the hotel and do all this tomorrow, I know you've had a pretty long day, we both have." He asks, clearly concerned.

I sigh and look over at the driver's seat, which Jett is currently seated in, and give a shaky answer, "I feel like I have to, if I try to do it any other time, I'll just chicken out. Besides, we're almost there anyways, it'd be stupid to just turn back now. I'll be okay."

...I think.

"Good, I don't want anything bad happening... and I don't want anything to trigger you in any way." Jett says sheepishly.

I give a small laugh and a slight smile before replying, "you know, it's okay to ask things about me. I actually really appreciate the concern you have, it's sweet. If you ever need to know anything, all you have to do is say it. If you overstep any boundaries, I'll tell you. My mental health shouldn't be a mystery to you, especially if we want to be more open with each other."

He lets out a quick breath of relief, "I'm glad, I just didn't even wanna take that risk, but that conversation can happen another time, right now, let's focus on what your phone says about this house we need to find."

"Right! Sorry, back on it." I say, snapping back into operation talk-to-my-dad-after-practically-eleven-years mode, "take one more right and the house should be on the left of a playground, at least that's what he said in the text."

Since the hospital, my dad has been making a continuous effort to try and reach out to me, texting me at least once a day. So when I told him I was making a spontaneous trip to the exact city he lives in, needless to say he was pretty thrilled, he told me he couldn't wait to show me everything and get to talk about more than just my mother's abandonment issues. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, but just because I'm open to talk, doesn't mean I want to. In all honesty, I'm still angry at him for what he did, without even looking back. He's not the only victim, and I don't want bullshit excuses.

I look out the window, and sure enough, I see a small playground in this nice suburban area. The perfect place for happy families and small children. I smile at the thought of settling down. It's a long stretch considering senior year isn't even over, and it's still a month until I turn eighteen. But I need these thoughts to keep me sane, if I overthink this meeting I'll become over sensitive to my surroundings. And lord knows nobody wants to be around me when that happens.

My thoughts are interrupted by Jett, who taps my shoulder and gives me a comforting smile, telling me that we have finally reached our destination. His lopsided smirk like grin gives me silent affirmation that everything will be alright, at least for now.

Taking one last deep breath, I exit the rental car and as calmly as I can, shut the door behind me. A dreamlike sensation washes over my body, as if I'm floating in midair. Although I squash it as quickly as it comes, as that's something that fortunately doesn't correlate too much with my bastard of a disorder.

I feel a warm hand in mine and I intertwine my fingers with Jett's, squeezing it before walking up the driveway and onto the porch of this well kempt house. And with a shaking hand, I give three concise knocks to the front door. I feel like vomiting, the nerves keep on buzzing in every part of my mind. Like killer bees on helpless prey. Looking down at my shoes feels like the only acceptable option in this moment, for I don't know where to advert my gaze.

The world spins in slow motion, because from the time I knocked on the door, to the time where it finally flies open, it feels as if eons have passed. But I'm here now, with Jett, and this door has opened, and I have to face this, and I have to do it now.

I look up, and instead of seeing my father, I see nobody... that is, until I look down. A little girl, no older than six looks up at me with wide, innocent doe eyes. Jett and I look at each other briefly, simultaneously thinking that this must be the wrong house.

Before we have the chance to do anything else, the little girl runs inside shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! They're here! At the door!"

I watch as she comes back, pulling someone's hand behind her. I glance up and see a face I haven't seen since the hospital, and my stomach churns with unease. The words of this young girl finally register in my head, I connect all the pieces. My face flushes and my eyes widen in horror as I look up at the only person I can trust. Jett looks back at me and I can see anger in his eyes, the kind you only see in the movies.

"You... you never mentioned anything about-" I manage to choke out before going silent at an utter loss for words. I lean into Jett and he puts an arm around me to keep me from slumping to the ground like a dead man.

"I think June means that it would've been important to mention that you had a child. You've caused her enough stress already and I highly doubt that she needs any more. Do you even know how gutsy she was just to come here? Let alone find out that you have an entire other family behind her back?!?" Jett sneers, having lost his patience with my father, but I'm still too shaken up to back him up.

By this time, the little girl has gone back inside of the house, and it's just the three of us on the front porch.

"You have no damn business on involving yourself with this, young man. She mentioned something about you coming, but not to the house, this is MY meeting with MY daughter, and I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't disrupt it. It's none of your damn concern." My father snaps back, borderline yelling at Jett.

"Well where the hell were you when June needed you the most? You were here, forgetting about your daughter, you can't use the excuse of not knowing, because any parent who love their child would have at least taken the liberty to keep up with them at the very least. And while you were gone, I was the one who was there when you sure as hell weren't!" Jett retorts.

But before either of them could speak up one more time, I finally get the courage to interject, "Dad. If I truly trusted you I sure as hell wouldn't have brought support, but you broke my trust. You... you are a horrible father, and Jett's right, he was here for me when you NEVER were.

When you couldn't even be bothered to call, Jett was the one who had my back when I had NOBODY else. All of my friends were gone, I didn't have any. I didn't even have parents, so I had to go to Rosie and cry on her because nobody else cared.

Oh, but you wouldn't know who that is because you were gone, and, you know what, you don't deserve to know. If you won't accept the consequences of what you did, I don't even want to be near you until you can pull your head out of your ass and own up to all the hell you gave me, how bout that, you scum of a father?!?"

Both he and Jett just stared at me in disbelief, and I break down, sobbing into Jett's chest.

***

Another one out...

And you only had to wait nearly three months...

Sorry bout that loves.

But hey, on the bright side, I'M BACK! And I'm so happy you wonderful people are still reading and enjoying this story. I'm eternally grateful for each and every one of you. Seriously. From the bottom of my (beating) heart.

Now, I've already started on the next chapter, so hopefully I'll have that done for ya sometime soon! Which is super exciting for me too because I love all your reactions so much.

Oh! and before I forget to ask, what did you think of this chapter?? What are your thoughts on June's dad? Did June and Jett overreact? I'd love to hear what you guys think.

Until next time!

- Allie

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