Vacant Heart

Chapter Fourteen

My heavy eyes drift apart sleepily at a soft nudge to my lower back, and my aches heighten. My positioning in the reading nook has proven to be a very poor choice. I don't remember falling asleep, but I remember sitting in the darkness, too overwhelmed to care about ghosts or creepy drafts.

And now I'm in the air, and my gaze is on Aidan's jaw as he carries me to the bed.

The fact that he's here tells me a few things. He hasn't slept. The fight earlier didn't keep him away for long. And the most important fact...he came to check up on me. He's cradling me closely, and only so he won't stop, I slam my eyes closed again, but I'm not sure if I can pull it off. He may be able to feel the way my pulse is jumping.

He sets me down on the mattress carefully and removes my slippers, pulling the quilt over me. Not prepared for more talking, I turn onto my side, hoping I'll pull off restlessness. My fingers curve under my chin, my cheek warming the icy pillow as I hold my breath, both frightened and excited.

He's here. He's looking at me.

My thoughts are proven when the mattress lowers, and I feel his hand rest against my leg. I can almost hear his mind, hear his confliction. His gazing only lasts a few seconds before the mattress rises, and I hear his boots against the ground.

The moment the door is closed, I stare at the frame, disturbed by how badly I want him to come back. However, the words he spoke tonight, the warnings he gave me haven't dissipated. They are all I can think of.

And despite how uneasy it feels to close my eyes in this room, I know I have no other option.

I can't go to him.

                                                  ***

A soft knock is what brings me out of sleep, bone-weary. I don't instantly respond, just sitting in my uncertainty, my reluctance to approach any kind of conversation with Aidan today.

"Josephine?"

"Yes?" I answer, noting that it didn't occur to me to let him in. His pause means maybe he has caught that too.

"I, um, made coffee...and breakfast. It's not great, but it's downstairs."

"Thank you."

I don't move an inch, knowing he hasn't left. Finally, I hear his footsteps distancing, and my eyes close. A disheartening veil has draped over my body, and it's sucked all the energy from my body. I don't want to leave the bed. However, I know if I don't move, he'll come back.

I grab my toothbrush and a towel and I slip into Aidan's slippers, exiting the bedroom. The room where the portable showerhead meant for camping trips is just down the hall, in a guest room that is neutral space for us both to be able to use it. When I get inside, there is water dripping from the nozzle, which means he's already taken advantage of it. I prepare water, and the pump, going through the steps Aidan showed me.

Not wanting to waste time warming water, I begin to groom using it cold, and the chill surprisingly awakens my dulled nerves. I brush my teeth this way, relieved to be clean. I wrap the towel around myself after drying my hair as best I can, and open the door.

My feet screech to a halt when Aidan closes the door to the attic, just a few feet away, holding a battery-operated lantern. My hands clutch the towel tighter, mortified. He's not supposed to be up here. My hair is dripping down my back, and its frigid cold.

After the initial shock of finding me unclothed once again, he turns his eyes to the ground politely.

"Good morning," he whispers.