Vacant Heart

Chapter Forty-Three

"Justin, I want that GW piece on my desk by the end of the day, so it can get it to print. Does anyone else have any suggestions, any news for me?" Matthew asks, leaning into the glass barrier concealing us from the rest of the building. Everyone in attendance looks weary and hung over, a result of a company party that ran far too late, leaving most of the staff to take advantage of the open bar until a good part of the morning.

He dismisses the team when met with silence, but mentions my name, insisting I remain behind. Truth be told, it's the first thing I've heard since sitting down. Time is passing, and my desire to be here is fading quickly. Whether it's an underlying trauma that's making me want to escape far away from here, or simply that I'm bored at a desk job, I've never been so reluctant to be here.

Before Matthew's even spoken, I know that's why he asked me to stay behind. He moves around the conference table, and pulls out the chair right beside me.

"I wanted to ask how you are doing." He clears his throat when I don't answer him right away. "It's been three weeks since he left and I've noticed your enthusiasm is...waning. I'm not sure whether it's the job, or just being overwhelmed."

"I handle all my work fine, Matthew."

"I know that. I'm not talking about your work ethic. I'm talking about you, as a person. I just watched you stare at a table for thirty minutes. Have...have you recovered anything? I thought maybe that's why you're so far away."

I wish I could say I have. He frowns, nodding understandingly when I tell him no.

"I...when you first got out of the hospital, I did some research on this kind of thing. You know, depression is common, Josephine."

He sounds concerned. I'd like to think it's genuine. As a man who has been my boss for many years, and is now my partner in business, he knows me well enough to see a noticeable difference. It's been weeks since Aidan's left, since I vowed to try and discover myself again.

I've avoided any progress of the sort. It's almost as if his being near made me more desperate to do it. My mood has been consistently dreadful, and the events that transpired a week ago didn't help a bit. They shook my world.

"I think I need some time," I confess to him, quietly, aware that the door is open. "I think I came back here too fast. I don't know if it's a side effect from everything that happened, but I...I'm never at ease."

"How much time are we talking about? Weeks? Months?"

"I'd like to say weeks, but..."

"What's happened? Is it Bradley? Has he bothered you again?"

"No, he's called a couple times, to apologize. More than likely, to spit some more on Aidan's name. I haven't answered."

"He made a big mistake. I like the man, but coming here, during business hours and losing it like that, it's unacceptable. I've been meaning to ask...is that why Hughes left? Because of the fight?"

"No. After I bailed him out, we didn't even speak on it. He left to give me time, time to understand things."

"Well, I'll give you as much time as you need, Josephine. I owe it to you." He inhales, closing his eyes. "I have to live with sending one of my own into an unknown situation like that lockdown. Tough decisions have to be made in this business, dangerous decisions, but I really wish it hadn't been you. I got you the clearance, and because of that..."

"I may second-guess my judgments now, Matthew, but I know myself enough to tell with certainty that I would have found a way inside. I'm usually very resourceful."