The Will to Love

Chapter Five

The entangled vines of cotton wool began at the end of the claw-foot couch and crawled upwards and around the entwined bodies of Jaymes and Robin. His hands framed her face as their lips broke apart for air.

"We really have to go. We're going to be late." Jaymes laughed. She tried to slide out from underneath him but Robin grabbed her waist and pulled her back. His fingers worked to tickle her until she erupted into a fit of back bending laughter. Tightening his arm around her waist, Robin turned them around her and kissed her again, soft and tender this time. Jaymes sank her nails into the soft texture of his hair, deepening into the kiss. As she did, something within her deepened, but it wasn't passion. It was fear. The knots in her stomach tightened, sending waves of skittish butterflies all over.

Jaymes broke away from the kiss with a force that sent her barreling into the arm of the couch. Robin reached forward to steady her but Jaymes was already up on her feet, packing up the left-over Thai bowls and used plates. "Come on babe, help me clean this up. We really need to go." Jaymes threw over her shoulder as she walked out of the dining room nook and into the kitchen. Balancing the bowls and plates on one arm, she used the pad of her right thumb to wipe her lips of Robin's kiss and brushed the lipstick stains on one of the used napkins. As she placed the dishes in the sink, Robin approached her from behind, one arm snaking around her waist while his free hand set the glasses down in the sink. The beating of her heart fastened as his hands tightened around her waist. Her chest tightened and suddenly, it felt like Jaymes had no air to breathe.

"I meant what I said, Jaymes. I really think we should go away for a weekend. Maybe to—"

"Yeah!" Jaymes grabbed his hands in her own and placed them at his side. "I completely forgot! I have to go pick up Ryan at our place. Her car—it broke down..."

"Again?" Robin raised an eyebrow. "I thought she got it fixed...?"

"No." Jaymes said. "It—complications with the car, you know? I don't know what shop she took it too but yeah, it messed up again and I have to pick her up again, can you believe that?" Jaymes collected her items from the granite-top island in the kitchen. She grabbed her purse and keys and laced up her sandals with nimble, quick fingers. Spotting her sweater on the couch, Jaymes jogged over to the living and retrieved it. Robin followed her, from the kitchen to the living room to the door, questioning her abrupt leave and demanding to know why she hadn't informed him of her plans earlier. Jaymes cringed inwardly. She hadn't promised to head over to the school with Robin but she may have implied it when she'd discussed the school's annual start-of-school ice-cream slumber party. Jaymes sought to placate him with a kiss. Robin eagerly accepted her apologies and allowed her to go without argument.

Jaymes closed the door behind her. She stood there for a beat, staring at the brass doorknob. Why was she leaving? Why did she lie? Ryan didn't need her nor was she having car troubles again. Jaymes released her hand from the knob and walked down the hall, taking her time to the elevator. The passion she'd felt for Robin was still there, in all of its entirety. The kisses and touches made it seem like nothing had changed between them, despite the many years. Jaymes had even believed they could seek healing for past wounds through those touches. And yet, something still lingered within her. That pain, that she couldn't deny. Jaymes welcomed the pain since it meant Jaymes invested interest in the relationship. No, beneath that pain was a growing antipathy that worried her. Jaymes stopped in the hall, now just a foot away from the elevator and turned to look back on the hall, her eyes zeroing in on what she could see of the door to Robin's apartment. She loved him. She loved Robin. He was her first love, her first everything. He was the boy she met in high school and fell for. He was the boy who encouraged her she could be as good of a dancer when she didn't believe she could achieve that dream. He was the one who'd driven her to every dance and track and field practice, every recital and track meet. He was the one who'd driven down four hours each weekend to spend time with her when they were off at university. He was the one who'd beaten up Tommy Hudson, when he'd tried to assault Ryan. Robin Leonard Wolfe was a good man, and he was her man.