The Will to Love

Chapter Six

The beginning of September brought in a rush of cool, autumnal airand the early onset of the upcoming holiday season. Ryan traveled to Turks andCaicos, for a private birthday celebration for her boyfriend, leaving theapartment empty for Jaymes and Robin to occupy. Jaymes felt grateful for theweek away from her sister. Since the pajama event at the dance school,communication had been tense between the two. Jaymes attempted on two differentoccasions to understand why her sister's anger towards her. She refusedto believe Ryan could be that upset over who Nicolas Mori was. She'd keptNicolas a secret for good reason; that reason being shame. Nicolas' previouslaw firm was on retainer at Jaymes' architectural firm. The two had met at adrunken Christmas party, thrown by none other than her supervisor,David Glynne. It being her first year in the internship and six months freshout of her break-up with Robin, Jaymes attended, enthusiastic to prove herselfto her new colleagues. There, they bonded over their appreciation of expensivewine (more so Nicolas than Jaymes), the cubist art movement, and Melody Gardot.Nicolas seemed more similar to Jaymes than Robin had ever been.Perhaps she needed that at the moment. They maintained a professionalrelationship throughout that first year until the following year brought anonset of stress which Nicolas helped her through. Their relationship becameunprofessional and was on and off for far too long, between other attemptedrelationships her sister was aware about. Nicolas was the man Jaymeswent running to when she was lonely or things got too tough and she needed anescape. The two years they spent in a heated battle of give and take proved tobe too much for Jaymes. She'd found solace in a fellow broken-hearted soul,divorced parents and all but as Jaymes now knew well, that kind of thingbecame dark fast. All Nicolas Mori had ever been, was a past addiction. Nothingmore, nothing less. 

Rationalizing her relationship with Nicolas in this way did littleto ease her guilt. Two years or not, Jaymes had to admit that Nicolas hadimpacted her in some ways and she'd left her sister out of that journey. Ryan wasmuch better at incorporating Jaymes in her many journeys and relationships.She'd always differed from Jaymes in her willingness to share everything. 

Jaymes drew her knees to her chest and balanced the cup of hot tea on her knees. She slid the cork coaster underneath the cup. As children, Jaymes and Ryan had been close. Their parents' divorce helped forge that extreme closeness. When their parents dated again, the separation began. Ryan took their father's side, eager to have him back in their lives. Jaymes, full of resentment and anger, continued pushing their father away, wary of his attempts to return to the family. They eventually leaned on each other during their college years and moved in with each other once Ryan graduated and moved back to the city. There were still little tiffs here and there but nothing too significant. As Jaymes recounted recent memories, she saw nothing indicating the two weren't as close as they'd always been.

Jaymes sighed, trying desperately to remind herself it wasnothing. It scared her that something insignificant could mean so much to Ryan.When they fought over their parents, it was understandable. Their parents'divorce impacted their lives in more ways than one and dictated much of whatwent on in their household. But this? Why had something like this caused Ryanto shut her out? 

"Am I wrong?" Jaymes turned to a reclining Robin, who she was surewasn't sleeping anymore. Groggily, he lifted his head from the couch, his eyesstill halfway closed. The TV droned in the background, playing a Halloweencommercial for a costume store. As Robin asked her what she was wrongabout, Jaymes panicked, realizing Robin wasn't aware of Nicolas Mori. "To notwant to plan my parent's tenth anniversary party?" She lied. Robin raised fromthe couch and drew closer to her, placing an arm around her shoulder.  

Robin grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into his side. His handtucked her head into the crook of his neck. Jaymes set the cup of steaming teaon the glass coffee table before sidling closer into his side. "I thought youforgave your father? You're still mad?" Robin asked. Still mad.Jaymes wasn't aware there was a time limit to her anger but said nothing,wanting to hear more of what he had to say. "They've been together for nearlyten years. Aren't you glad they put their differences aside and reunited? Igenuinely want to know." His voice softened as he placed his hand upon hercheek. Jaymes looked into his eyes, moved by his sincerity.