Spaces Between Us (✓)

-15

I sat down, feeling more annoyed than anything. Billie comforts me and tells me we're friends and I can tell her anything, Runs away when she finds out I like her, claiming she's 100% straight, and then kisses Eliana? I didn't understand how Billie's mind worked. I was guessing she was trying to fuck with me, trying to get to me feel jealous and heartbroken. She wanted me to beg for her attention. I wasn't going to.

"Welcome to my humble abode" Billie says, flipping on her red light and sitting next to me on her bed. I fight the urge to scoot closer, as well as the urge to scoot further away. "You're annoyed with me, I know. But look, I was bored, and you got me thinking, what would it be like to kiss a girl? I thought of kissing you, but you're too emotionally invested. So i kissed Eliana. It wasn't too bad" she smiles slightly "In fact, I liked it."

My heart stings and I roll my eyes, trying to hide my hurt with annoyance

"What do you want, Billie?" I ask, running a hand through my hair in frustration. Billie looks away for a moment, before looking back at me

"I want you" she says, moving closer "I know I fucked up, but I want to try"

Sires go off in my head. She wasn't being serious. I could tell already. My brain yelled for me to move away. My heart was what pulled me closer. Billie smiled and tilted my head up slightly "I knew you'd come around" she whispers, bringing her lips to mine.

Her lips were soft, warm. My brain was begging me to pull away. My heart hoped this would work. Billie pulled me closer. I was practically in her lap. I pulled away for air. Billie kept her eyes closed, breathing heavy. When she opened her eyes, she smiled.

"Your lips are way softer" she says. I laugh and get off of her. Billie pulls out her phone and goes onto snapchat "Let's ket the world know we're together. Like, in the same room." she says, taking a quick picture of herself and uploading it to her story. I go on snapchat and view it. I smile at the caption and take a picture of my own, uploading it to my story.

Billie laughs, putting her phone down and coming close to me again. "I'm your daddy, huh?" she teases, leaning in to kiss me.

I'm going to regret this i think to myself once our lips meet.
.......

Billie holds me while scrolling through her phone. Her phone dings and she bursts out laughing. I look up at her questioningly and she smirks, showing me her phone screen

Eli
Billie :(
imy. can I come over
whats ur addy?

Me
Lol no
Im with Alison
I hope u don't think i like u
I was just fucking with u when we kissed. Sorry
Read at 5:47 pm

I wince at Billie's harshness. She kisses my forehead, sensing my discomfort. "I'm an honest person, baby" she murmurs, grabbing my hand and lacing out fingers together "I wouldn't want to lead her on. You're the one I want" 

I close my eyes and hum, letting myself believe in her words. My brain falls silent, and I wonder if thats truly a good thing. Wrapped in Billie's arms, surrounded in her warmth, I feel like i'm hanging off a cliff, but theres a rope holding on to me. But the rope is breaking, but there's a chance I could maybe survive. There was danger in her embrace, but safety  in there too. I couldn't decide whether to run or cuddle in closer.

"Am I your girlfriend?" I ask.

"No" Billie says "There's no need for labels"

I move away from her and glare "Are you serious? What am I, then? A plaything?" Billie groans and rolls her eyes. "There's no fucking point in labels, Alison. I'm  to show you off in public, and i'm not telling my family about you. To them you'll just be a friend. Always. Why can't me being here for you be enough! Why do we need a label?"

"Why can't you call me your girlfriend in private then? And aren't you straight? What the hell, Billie?"

"Why do you ask so many fucking questions?" Billie snaps, glaring at me "Why can't we just enjoy a single fucking moment together?"

I feel bad instantly. I move back into Billie's arms, she doesn't hold me, obviously upset with me. "I'm sorry, Bil" I say softly "I just like you a lot, you know? I wanna have you as much as I can"

Billie softens and wraps her arms around me, sighing "I know, baby. You just gotta trust me, alright? i'm not trying to hurt you"

My brain awakes again. Telling me she's lying.

I ignore it.
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really good songs for this book:

Would I - Maggie Lindemann

Spaces - One direction (this is where i got the title/idea of this book from)

Misty - Billie holiday

funny thing, that Maggie is the face claim for Alison. And theres a billie. lolol.

check out my book "St. Mary's disciplinary school" if u want. it's pretty dark tho pls b careful.