Little Miss Marauder

Chapter 22 - The Name

Chapter 22 - The Name

Remus had stayed up reading a book after he and Sirius had returned to their dorm. Peter had been fast asleep in his bed for hours, wanting to be well rested for the next day. Sirius had jumped on his own bed and fallen straight asleep, while Remus picked up the book he had started while he was still at home. When he reached the end of the chapter he looked at the clock and noticed that it had been an hour since they had left James in the common room. Assuming that his new friend had just fallen asleep on the sofa, he headed down the stairs in order to wake up the boy and get him to go back to bed. Remus was nearly on the last step when he heard James and Cassadee's voices muttering. He did not want to try to listen in to their conversation but just before he rounded the wall to make his presence known he heard the name that made him freeze, feeling as though icicles were forming along his spine and stabbing pain through his back, a burning sensation flaring up in his arm where the bite was still ever-present as a scar. It didn't matter that the last time he had encountered that monster was 7 years ago, he was still terrified of even just the name.

As James said the name "Fenrir Greyback" Cassadee's body involuntarily shivered, it felt as though her mind temporarily shut down and all she could think of was the fateful day in the field and the pain, oh god, the pain still haunted her. James had always been there to help her through so much, but she was terrified about how she would deal with everything here, in the new environment, surrounded by so many people. "Cass... Cass! You good?" James shook her shoulder, breaking her out of the haunting thoughts. "Yeah...yeah i'm okay" She couldn't tell James what was happening in her mind. She wasn't herself, she didn't know who she was anymore. How could anyone be okay if they weren't sure who they were anymore? These thoughts wouldn't be voiced to anyone for years. Cassadee already put so much on James, she didn't want him to worry about her anymore, he had his own life to worry about. She didn't want to hold him back anymore. No. she refused to do that anymore. This was her fight, something she had to face on her own. Or so she thought. If only she knew that not telling her twin how she was feeling fully was hurting more than her telling him the truth ever would.

James knew that Cassadee was not okay. No matter how many times she said she was. He knew that she hadn't been the same since he found her out in that field. Neither of them were. It's impossible to be the same people they were, even as children, they couldn't go back to the innocence they had before. They knew that their parents were worried, both of the twins had shut themselves off more than before, but yet they were proud that the children were sticking together, even if they weren't as open as before, they were still there, and that meant the most. James looked up from his sister to see Remus coming round the corner from the dormitories. "Hey, I was just on my way up."

"...I.... I was expecting to see you to asleep on the sofa" Remus smirked, but it wasn't quite reaching his eyes. James had noticed this but Cassadee seemed oblivious. She looked up at the clock, shocked at how late it had gotten. "Yes! James we need to get to bed. Lessons start tomorrow." Enthusiasm intertwined with nervousness. With parting words, the three headed to bed exhausted from the days events.

James knew Remus heard more than he let on, but he wasn't going to question him about it, not tonight. Tonight he just wanted to sleep, to ignore the pain he felt permanently radiating from his sister, pretend everything was okay. He knew that that wouldn't happen. Maybe things would never be okay for the siblings. Yet maybe that's what would make their future that much brighter.

That night the new group of friends all slept the night through in the Gryffindor tower. All their troubles seemed large to the eleven year olds. Looking back on this first day 5 years later, they would laugh about how desperate they were to keep the secrets, how large their fear weighed on them. Yet without this day going exactly how it had, their future as a group could have been drastically different. Maybe fear wasn't always the worst thing, maybe fear is needed to see the light. And what should be feared more than the danger of your own mind.