Absolution and Fragility

XXII

I really am the monster you created even if I don't wish to be.

Her grandfather had never been one to talk to anyone except her father, so the moments she had shared a conversation with him she remembered well. One moment she kept with her was when he interrupted a lesson her mother was teaching her on the manners of emotions. The lesson was difficult for seventeen-year-old Lexi to grasp since her emotions were so on the fritz. It was also a lesson based on necessity considering she had practically insulted Mr. Watts at a previous dinner in their home.

The lesson had been about concealing emotions and creating the best poker face the world has ever seen. It would be an ongoing assignment. The two of them knew that very well. Her mother had just finished explaining this was something she still struggled with every day when her grandfather waltzed in. He pulled the seat Adora was in away from the table before standing across from her and simply telling her emotions made her weak. Emotions lead to bad decisions and death. Emotions will only hurt – not heal.

Those words she carried with her so very long. She carried them with her until meeting Carsten. After Carsten hurt her, she closed off. Lexi decided the idea of loving someone else was only torture, and she hadn't been wrong since then. Loving her grandmother had only caused her death.

So, to hear that Theo cared about her, she could only think about the words her grandfather had said that rainy afternoon in the dining room of the house she had grown up. However, as she stared at his masculine profile, she could hear her grandmother's words.

You were not born to be theirs, glykiá mou.

That's when Lexi realized the two hadn't said a word to the other. As she acknowledged the silence, it began to swallow them whole, drown the environment around them, and shut the world down. It was agonizing to sit in the silence without the words to excuse herself or to push the conversation along. His words had stopped all semblance of current thought.

Lexi was a statue in front of him. Her eyes stared at him, but her lips did not move. She was sure she was looking for a way out, but something deeper than the monster was trying to lull her into this fantasy. The story she could tell by his side, on his arm, and sitting to his left.

His gaze shifted up from the sleek wooden tabletop to her face and she did not flinch away. Her mind began to work again. It began to process what he had just told her again.

"I..." Lexi stopped.

What words would she say? Were there any words to say? Was she able to mend what had happened or did she even want to? Did she like his confession? Was her heart racing because she also felt similarly?

Lexi scooted the chair back from the table and placed the cloth napkin from her lap on the empty plate. Her eyes locked with his as she stood. The sensation of having his eyes solely focused on her was crippling, but she remained on her feet despite the feeling.

"Thank you for dinner. I have a lot to think about, so if you'll excuse me," she whispered and silently cursed herself for sounding so weak.

Lexi calmly stepped away from the table and turned away only to have her clothed wrist grabbed. Despite the thick layer of the sweater, she could feel the heat from his hand seeping through. Her head whirled around to look at where his hand held onto her before following his unyielding arm up to his face. She could see his attempts in schooling his features, but it wasn't working as well as it normally would. His grip tightened until he released her. Theo scooted his own chair out from the table and stood just inches from the romantic or threatening toe to toe.

Her throat suddenly dried as she opened her mouth. No words would come out, not with the way she was currently feeling. So closed off. So trapped. So nervous. So embarrassed. Her eyes shifted to look just above his.